03/02/2025
🕊️My little sister would’ve been 31 today, but instead of “Happy Birthday!” I keep thinking, “You’ve been gone 5.5 months now.” 🤍
I still have troubles believing she is forever gone - I keep seeing her in random places, seeing things that remind me of her, wishing I could call her, wishing for one last massive hug.
We never got to say goodbye.
I always thought we’d be old hags laughing at all the silly things we fought over, and the stupid things our kids fought about. It’s hard to not think I’m still just an expat and she’s over in Toronto doing her thing. There are just so many things we never got to do, and I cannot believe I do not have my sister around anymore.
But instead of ruminating over all the things we never got to do, I keep trying to hang on to all the things we did together. Enjoying watching sisterhood unfold with my two little girls.
Ash and I grew up alongside each other. We wore the same outfits, same hairstyles, played with the same toys, loved the same TV shows, fought about nothing and everything. We did everything together. I’m grateful for the memories I’m left with, her favourite childhood teddy, & the pictures I can look back on.
I read a lovely quote that has helped me through tough times -
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love.
It’s all the love you want to give, but
cannot. All that unspent love
gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the
lump in your throat, and in that
hollow part of your chest.
Grief is just love with no place to go.”
- Jamie Anderson
Hopefully this can also help some of her other friends and family through tough times, and tough days like today, her birthday.
Moving forwards I’ve decided to write a birthday card to Ashley every year, telling her about all the big things that happened the previous year, catching her up on everything. Then maybe one day I can read it to her when I visit her grave.
Happy birthday baby sis, I love you always.
3 February 1994 - 25 August 2024