10/04/2026
What advice would you give to someone whose spouse just filed for divorce?
This is what I offered recently:
You are not broken. However, what you're going through can make you feel that way and like a wound not treated. Your job right now is self care as a priority. If you have children in the home, they are in that category as well. Focus on three areas of your life and let everything else go. #1 the basics: food, shelter, and self care. You won't be thinking clearly so make a list and follow a routine. Eat healthy, Exercise, Get enough rest. The last is very important.
Secure your finances: talk to a financial expert. You may find low cost or at least a list through a women's resource centers.
Also find a family law attorney. Ask for references from people or other professionals you trust. Many attorneys will offer one free consultation. You can go to as many as you want for a free consultation. I recommend going to at least two before deciding on one. Have your questions ready ahead of time so as not to waste their time or yours. Don't expect them to be soft and overly kind. They are all business.
Personal support: Do not overshare everything with just one or two friends. It can be overwhelming for them and can harm your friendships. Think of it as a weight that you can share a little bit with different friends so you get the support you need but not weigh individuals down with your challenges. They have their own lives and challenges they are facing. Support groups can be good. Not all are so don't get discouraged. Keep looking if one doesn't fit.
Be kind to yourself. Realize, even if this is the best option you're still going to grieve of what could have been, of what your life was, and the companionship.
I'm going to geek out on you here for a minute. Our brain's job is to keep us safe. If we do anything that is out of the ordinary, our brains see it as a threat. This translates to our physical body. You're going to be uncomfortable mentally and physically. This is a normal part of the process. You're not broken and you will get through it. How well you get through it is now up to you.