12/09/2018
My friend Carl Paoli encourages me to show my “full spectrum”, so I’d like to share how I’ve changed my decade-long “story” (while back in therapy the past 3 weeks, holler🔥):
•
Old:
1) I felt finished, and retired from professional swimming and ran away from life.
2) I become lost and depressed and refuse to face a lot of very painful crap that I was terrified to admit was real. Resistant and avoidant AF.
3) I chase degree after degree, “fun” race after race (on land) hoping to prove my worth somehow, someway all while neglecting my health.
4) I worked in fitness, design, started a mentoring business , created a body oil product Carococo, move cities 5 times. I charged hard, blindly, with nothing but heart. I was still unsatisfied and very unfulfilled.
5) After 9 years of this, I crash and burn with massive hormonal issues (no periods in 7 years, yeah) and adrenal fatigue. I literally break my body nearly three times and hospitalize myself once all because “I screwed myself up”. I faced big time exposure and vulnerability and chose to come full-frontal with those old personal demons.
My story has been “I AM THIS WAY BECAUSE”, and “THERE’S ALWAYS WORSE, GET OVER YOURSELF”...that victim mentality drove me to the ground.
⭐️❤️
New: That was damn cool to experience and I am REBUILDING. I’m in a period of creation. Sure, it is hard. I have days where I don’t want to leave my house because I feel I have nothing to show, nothing to prove and feel ”guilty” for even feeling these things. However I am committed to learning that my success is measured in meaning, not score or proof. It is indeed still in the works, and it feels beautiful to create whatever the hell I want to create. I’ve made big-time progress although my drive will always want more and I’m ready for whatever.
Writing isn’t my favorite by choice, however I’m sharing anyway because it’s helpful to connect with humans. This is here because I am free, and this is here so we can all feel free to own our s**t. It doesn’t mean you’re dramatic. It doesn’t mean you’re weak.
This is TRUTH, and your truth is STRENGTH. I’ve you’re not evolving you’re .......? 🤓💙
