08/01/2026
Pearl S. Buck once wrote about the creative, highly sensitive mind: “...a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. ”For a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), we don’t just experience emotions—we are consumed by them.
And right now, loss feels like an unending torture. It hasn’t even been a week yet, and I have entirely lost the ability to sleep. Instead, I have cried myself to sleep every single night since she’s been gone.
For over a decade, I thought losing Molly would be the heartbreak that killed me. But when the time came, I had time to process it with her. I knew she was at peace, and that it was her choice because her body was failing. With Marley, I have no peace. I was completely blindsided. I feel trapped in a loop of nightmares every night—dreaming the vet called to say the labs were wrong, that she wasn’t actually that sick, but that it’s too late. I can’t undo the decision before the medicine was pushed to let her go.
When I was a child, I watched my first Australian Shepherd, Gidget, get hit by a car right in front of me. I can still see the entire thing in my mind if I think about it. Now, I can’t unsee Marley’s blood on my kitchen floor, and on the floor at the vet.
When I lost Molly, my mom was there to hold me through all of it. Now, she is gone too.
I once told a therapist that “I don’t do sadness.” I told them I just stuff those things in a box and move on, because every time I look at it, it feels like a giant, gaping, pitch-black cavern waiting to suck me into an unending abyss I will never escape from. Losing Marley so soon after Mom feels like the final straw. I feel like I’ve fallen into that abyss.
The Hamilton lyrics to “It’s Quiet Uptown” are playing on a loop in my head:
“There are moments that the words don’t reach, There is suffering too terrible to name...There are moments when you’re in so deep, It feels easier to just swim down.”
To love deeply as an HSP means grieving just as deeply. I am in the thick of the unimaginable right now.