08/16/2023
REPOSTED from another forum, thought it was too funny NOT to share :
Why you need an AR 10:
Do you suffer from ITFS (itchy trigger finger syndrome)? Are you tormented by the lack of recoil in your life? There is hope. There is the AR 10 ….
But before you visit your local gun store, Ask your doctor if this rifle is right for you, as it may not be for everyone. Side effects may include higher testosterone levels, rapid growth of chest hair, desire to grill raw meat on a wood fire, patriotism, panties of excited women will fall at your feet, being promoted at work, freedom, pouring whiskey on your cereal, and witty James Bond one liners. You will, for the first time, begin to understand the Constitution of the United States and feel the hand of the founding fathers rest on your battle scarred shoulder in approval when the recoil from a fire breathing AR chambered in .308 (the caliber of greatness) beats the wimp out of you.
The AR 10 solves problems that you didn’t even know you had. Did your Saturday just get taken away by that miserable baby shower? Not on my watch. Now you’re going hunting. What are you hunting you say? You’re killing off that wuss side of you that didn’t say no to a baby shower. It’s time to get your balls back. It’s time for the sweet song of .308 recoil therapy to play you a symphony of precision destruction.
What’s that you say? Why do you need all that firepower? Look here snowflake, if that’s your attitude, you’d be best to just keep scrolling; you’ll find the skinny jeans that you’re looking for on another website, next to the pretty pink coffee mugs that your wife likes on Pinterest. This marvel of American innovation eats terrorists for breakfast. Is this rifle made of light weight recycled plastic? No, these rifles come equipped with heavy contour 22 - 26 inch barrels, because they were made to w**d out the weaker pansies in the field that whine about the “cold weather” or complain about the “land mines”. This rifle understands you, and as you take command of the aluminum forged bolt, you become more and more aligned with the patriots of old, the Marines of Tunn tavern, and Chesty Puller himself smiles down on you from heaven’s gates of pearl and concertina wire. You will p**s na**lm. You won’t need to take protein shakes anymore because your muscles are already exploding from your new all-bacon diet cooked from the 800 lb. wild boar that you just killed.
These black beauties have a textured surface on the grip to ensure that you get a firm grasp with your blood soaked fingers. A standard Harris engineering bi pod will hold your death machine securely on atop your red white and blue zodiac vessel during night time amphibious assaults. Are you really just going to sit there and let your 2nd amendment get wasted on some piece of junk .22? How sad. Carlos Hathcock would be rolling in his grave. But you won’t be one of those “men”. You’ll get the AR10, and then You’ll be the personified hammer of Thor, capable of bringing the pain train to all the enemies of our amber waves of grain. Heck, don’t just get one for your country, get one for all the sad lesser men who are trapped right now, as I speak, at some tea brunch with their mother in law.
Carry one for all of our fellow brothers who are trapped in the “friend zone.”Carry one for your future generations of children, so they can tell their own children how they’re dad didn’t rob them of the sweet smell of gunpowder in the morning. If you feel like you just don’t have the testicular fortitude to take charge of this masterpiece of modern engineering, then hey, I get it. I understand. You’re probably right. Wouldn’t want to interfere with your Yoga routine, now would we. Your vegan hippy friends will be happy that you settled. And if your tiny brain was somehow thinking about outfitting one of these death merchants with some kind of obnoxious pearl grip pads or some weird decorative Indian feathers, pump the breaks there Pocahontas; show some respect. I already told you to move along!
If you feel like you are interested in committing to this level of patriotism but need to ask your wife if you can spend some time at the range then do me a favor and wait until your balls drop before you bother the guy behind the counter at your local gun store. If you do not have a gun store near your house, then you are likely from socialist California and I cannot help you. I reside in Kennesaw, GA where the law requires that every male head of the household own a firearm.
(Bald Eagle screeches in background.)
Oorah. Yut. Echo 5 Romeo over and out.
