02/07/2021
During the deepest part of my postpartum depression, when I was sleep deprived beyond comprehension and crying multiple times a day, watching the sunset started to save me.
My therapist at the time suggested my “well” had run dry- the source from which I drew the energy to take care of my children, my husband, and my responsibilities. She explained that if that well was dry, then every time I took care of the people and things in my life, bitterness, anger, and resentment were building up. And she was right. I was pouring from an empty cup and I could feel myself brimming with those emotions. It was awful.
She recommended I start filling that cup by taking time to myself to do things I enjoy. But to be honest, I didn’t know what that meant at first. I was also so deep in my codependency that I didn’t know what I enjoyed. So I did something I had learned in Al anon. I acted “as if” I knew and started watching the sunset. Every so often, I would sneak away in my car, go park at a local beach, and just watch as the sun went down and the sky lit up. And it worked! Taking those small moments for myself to appreciate the quiet and watch something beautiful started to fill my well. They were little gifts I was giving myself and over time, I started to feel better.
That is why I feel so much joy when I see a beautiful sunset. I am so grateful for them, not just for their beauty, but for what they gave to me. They renewed my spirit, reconnected me to nature and my Higher Power, and inspired me to take better care of myself.❤️