05/18/2026
The first time Kemi said it, everyone in the room went quiet.
“If not for the will of God,” she said with folded arms and tears in her eyes, “I would never have married this man.”
Her husband, Tunde, leaned back on the couch in frustration. They had come for counseling after another heated argument that morning. Ironically, the fight had started over toothpaste.
“You squeezed it from the middle again!” Kemi had shouted.
“And you locked the kitchen cabinet because you said I shouldn’t touch your cooking pots!” Tunde fired back.
By the time they arrived for counseling, they were both exhausted from weeks of tension over things so small they sounded almost laughable when spoken aloud.
Toothpaste.
Cooking pots.
Remote controls.
Who forgot to lock the door.
Who used whose towel.
Yet beneath those little fights was something much deeper: two people who had forgotten why they got married in the first place.
Kemi kept repeating the same sentence throughout the session.
“If it wasn’t God’s will, I would have walked away a long time ago.”
But as she spoke, something kept stirring in my heart.
How can you claim the marriage is the will of God while everything happening inside it opposes God’s will?
Bitterness is not God’s will.
Disrespect is not God’s will.
Keeping score is not God’s will.
Using silence as punishment is not God’s will.
Treating your spouse like an unwanted tenant is not God’s will.
Then it hit me.
Many people think the will of God is only about who you marry. But the deeper will of God is why you marry.
The will of God is not merely found in the selection of a spouse. It is revealed in the purpose of the union.
A marriage without purpose will eventually become a prison of preferences.
That day, I asked them a question neither of them could answer immediately.
“What is the purpose of your marriage?”
They looked at each other blankly.
Not wedding colors.
Not attraction.
Not prophecy.
Not compatibility tests.
Purpose.
What assignment brought both of you together?
What kind of home is heaven expecting you to build?
Who are you meant to become together?
What should your union produce beyond children and bills?
Silence filled the room.
Because many couples spend years preparing for a wedding but never prepare for a purpose.
They marry the person and assume that is enough for a successful marriage.
But marriage is not sustained by romance alone. It is sustained by responsibility.
Even Adam understood this.
When Eve was brought to him, he said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman.”
Notice something powerful there.
Adam took responsibility for what God gave him.
He did not say, “Let us see what she becomes.”
He spoke identity.
He accepted stewardship.
In essence, he was saying, “What God has graciously entrusted to me, I will nurture, protect, and help become all it was created to be.”
Many people want a perfect spouse but do not want the responsibility of partnership.
They forget that marriage is not a destination of perfection.
It is a journey of purpose.
The wedding day is not the finish line. It is the starting point.
The real marriage begins after the photos, after the honeymoon, after the applause fades.
That is when two imperfect people begin the lifelong work of becoming one while moving toward a divine assignment greater than both of them.
And purpose changes how you fight.
When purpose is clear, conflicts become problems to solve, not weapons to destroy each other with.
You stop saying:
“You always do this.”
And start asking:
“How do we protect what God called us to build?”
Purpose gives perspective during pain.
Because when you know why you are together, you stop measuring your marriage only by temporary emotions.
You realize that every misunderstanding is either an opportunity to mature or an invitation to self-destruct.
Years later, Kemi would laugh about the toothpaste fights.
Not because the issues were imaginary, but because they finally understood those were never the real problem.
The real issue was that they had reduced marriage to coexistence instead of covenant purpose.
Once they rediscovered purpose, everything changed.
Not instantly.
Not magically.
But intentionally.
The same kitchen where they fought became the place where they prayed together.
The same mouths that exchanged insults began speaking life.
The same marriage Kemi once endured became the ministry that healed other couples.
Because the strongest marriages are not the ones without conflict.
They are the ones where two people remain committed to purpose even while growing through imperfection.
Marriage is not about finding someone flawless enough to complete your happiness.
It is about joining lives with someone and spending decades building, refining, healing, sacrificing, forgiving, growing, and becoming everything God intended both of you to be together.
And perhaps that purpose is not fully complete until both of you are old, sitting side by side in your nineties, looking back at a lifetime of becoming.
-Felix Bamirin,
Pastor, Coach & Author
https://marriagealignment.org
