06/24/2022
The death of a loved one can bring on secondary losses
The death of a loved one is not just one single devasting loss. It is a difficult loss, accompanied by other losses.
The death of a loved one impacts many areas in a person's life, creating multiple or secondary losses from the one primary loss. It is easy to think that our grief is only the grief of losing our loved one, but our grief is also the pain of the other losses that accompanied the death of our loved one. Carrie Doehring identifies these losses as relational loss, role loss, material loss, intrapsychic loss, and systemic loss.
For this post, I will focus on relational and role loss. There is relationship loss because there is no further opportunity to have contact with a person through the senses [seeing, hearing, touching, and smelling the significant other]. The loss of physical interaction is an ultimate separation from the person who has died.
Role loss involves the loss of a particular role, the role of a daughter, son, wife, husband, or friend. Secondary losses may have an enormous impact. Perhaps your loved one was the breadwinner, and your family has lost its source of income, loss of identity, loss of support system, loss of dreams for the future, and loss of confidence.
Secondary losses take many forms and can compound your grief. Recognize secondary losses as they come and allow yourself to grieve those losses as well. It is normal and natural. It is important to note that secondary losses are not formally acknowledged when providing support and comfort to the bereaved. However, it is my hope that this post will help us to understand a little deeper the extent of grief and loss.
