03/07/2021
Did I fail or did I not fail? Am I a failure or am I not a failure?
From my experience certain life events can amplify those thoughts and all the negative feelings that come with them.
This brings me to a Conversation I had with my brother a couple of months ago.
Mentally I wasnāt doing too well. I felt off. Like I was stuck in quicksand. The more I did and the harder I worked the worse I felt.
During a brief phone call he invited me to his house to talk in person. I hung up, got in my silver 4-runner and drove over.
Upon arrival I walked through a wooden gate up a stone walkway into his backyard. He was sitting under the trees lighting a cigar. I sat down next to him and he asked me ā whatās up, whatās going on?ā
I told him āitās been difficult to accept where Iām at lately. After closing my gym Iāve been struggling with not knowing what Iām going to do next. I feel like a failure because after 8 years of owning my business, I donāt really have anything to show for it. I mean I didnāt sell it for a couple million dollars and I donāt have a bank account full of all the profits.ā
He stopped me mid-sentence. Kind a like ejecting an old cassette tape out of a boom box.
He said āListen to what youāre saying and how youāre saying it. Listen to your words. Listen to the language youāre using. The language you use is very important. What youāre saying is just a perspective. Youāre saying your a failure and that your business failed, but from my perspective youāve been extremely successful. Not only did you live out of your car, sleep on the floor, and risk everything to build your business youāve helped thousands of people transform their lives. How is that a failure?ā
As he continued to talk I was struck with a moment of clarity like a bolt of lightning. The floodgate of tears opened up and some more of my old demons flew out.
Have I made mistakes, have a messed up, have a failed before? Yes, plenty of times, but that doesnāt mean Iām a failure and it doesnāt mean my business failed.
The truth is I burnt myself out and lost interest in the fitness industry.
Iām a courageous human being willing to let go, start over and face the unknown.
