08/23/2025
I’m back bi***es!!!
Holy s**t, guys! 🤩 I’ve got so much to tell you! I know, I know, you probably thought I was dead or something. Tossed to scrap yards but nope the bike king is still here! 🚲 🤴 Ok so let me get your asses caught up, it’s going to be a long one. The summer started out pretty lame. Stuck in BW’s trunk waiting for a nice dry Saturday but nothing but mother fu***ng rain every damn weekend!
Finally… FINALLY, we got a nice weekend and my stupid ass partner in crime decides to go to NYC. Well we all know that means no fresh air for fu***ng Stowey! 🙄 I mean it’s NYC, the air pollution alone could lock up my gears. ⚙️ So once again BW and I just chilled together beneath the stenches and trenches of NYC. After we got home I could start to feel the warmth of the summer air hitting the trunks roof. I knew my time was coming soon. But alas… nothing. 🫤
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months, nothing. I just sat in the trunk anxiously waiting. 😔 What was going on?!? Summer time is Kelley/Stowey time. Why was she leaving me be? I began to wonder if it’s me. Did I not shift right? Did I brake too early? Why?!? I don’t know. Then… finally, the trunk opens! I see her I see Kelley! “Hey girl!!! Where ya been?” I shout. She grabbed me tightly, pulled me out and placed me on the ground. This is it! We were going for a ride!🚴🏼♀️
Hey? Wait?!? Where’s BW going? What are you doing?? No? F**K NO! Why are you shoving me back in a trunk?!? Kelley! KELLEY!!!!! (*trunk closes) Wait? It’s not dark in here. I can see outside still. This is new? This is NICE….
“Hello gorgeous, what’s your name?” 🚲 “Gen, it’s short for Genesis.” 🚙
“Wow girl… you ride niiiiccceeeeeeeee.” 🚲
Oh hey! There’s Kelley, I can see here too. This is awesome!
“Hey Kelley did we get a new ride?!?” 🚲
“Don’t get used to this Stow, she’s only temporary. BW needs a little touch up”
Now guys, at this point I thought, ok, ok, I could spend a few days living this luxurious life. But wouldn’t you fu***ng know it! The very next day I got dropped off at some hellish gated area. Kelley left me at work?!? What the actually hell?!? Drooly, germy children touching me and some stupid ass pumpkin plant started clinging and climbing itself to me. I’m talking stage 5 mother fu***ng clinger! Ugh! 😩 I thought the 2 hookers in BW were bad! Two weeks I stood there, two weeks! Then finally it happened. I saw Kelley again!
“Girl! Save me, please!” 🚲
“Tomorrow buddy, you’ll be back in the trunk tomorrow. I promise!” 🧒
“Ok, one more night. I can handle that, I think.” 🚲
So as the the dusk turned to dawn I awoke to Kelley releasing me from prison and placing me gently back into BWs trunk!
“Hey guys! 🚲
“Stowey!! Where the hell have you been?“ 🎣, 🥾 🪑
Thats a different story for a different day guys, no time for that today. 😉 I’m sure you are anxiously awaiting for me to tell you about our ride today! Well buckle in bi***es! Here it comes….
Before the sun even fully rose this morning Kelley had my tires pumped and we were off! Ohhh the anticipation was killing me?!? Where the hell are we going? Well after about 90 minutes. It was revealed! I could smell those White Mountains! I could hear the river rolling. Awwwwww it’s time… time to knock off some more of that Ammonoosuc Rail Trail across NH. F**K YEA! Let’s do it! Today we started in Lincoln and back tracked to Lisbon.
As Kelley got me settled for the ride I heard her talking about not knowing if this was going to happen?’ I’m sorry, what?!? You fu***ng lying, right?? Then it hit me! I remembered. When Kelley was taking me out of the trunk to place in Gen… 🤔 ohhhh Gen! 😍 Ever since Sandy left me I’ve been looking for a girl to shift my gears hard. She might be the one!
Ok right, sorry, not the point of this story. Right… she was telling the guy helping her that she hurt her neck and just hasn’t been able to ride. Poor thing. These summers are our time! Time to explore, get dusty and enjoy the breeze on our face and handlebars. That’s why she has been distant. I bet it’s been killing her not being able to ride. So once I remembered I was like “Whoa, girl! You sure you’re ready?” 🚲
She said, “We are taking this one mile at a time.” 👧
“I said ok.” 🚲
And MAN I thought we were quitting after the first mile. It was rough! Such large gravel to avoid and bouncing the whole mile. 😬 👀 But we did it. I made sure she took it slow, made sure she was feeling good. 👍🏼
Once we got past the mile all of a sudden it was smooth gravel and just like that! Kelley opened me up and we were outta here!! “Hey!? Slow down? Don’t screw up your neck!” 🚲 But did that bitch listen to me?!? Nope. Girls gotta death wish, I’m fu***ng telling you. But she swore she was feeling great and I kept looking back to make sure. She looked great and so I said F**K IT!! Let’s ride!!! Pedal to the metal and we are outta here! 🏎️
HOLY S**T!! STTTTOOOOPPPPPP!!!!!! Fu***ng tree in the middle of the trail! 🌳 Yikes!😳 That was a close one. We managed to get around the tree and then we biked a bit cautiously for the next 3 miles. Just in case another hazard popped up. Fortunately there was nothing.
Before we knew it we were biking by the river, listening to it flow and it was heaven! 😇 Took a stop to admire the view and to make sure Kelley was still doing ok. I kept looking back but Kelley kept kicking my wheels straight. Seriously guys! She kept kicking me. My wheel kept shifting. She blamed it on her not tightening my handlebars down enough but it was just me being cautious and concerned. I mean…. Sorry bitch for watching out for you. WTF?!?
Anyways… we made about 7.5 miles to our last turn around point and that meant it was time to turn around too. Back through the woods, next to the river and around the tree. Once we hit that horribly groomed last mile Kelley decided to take a detour. We took to the road instead.
Guys?!? You know how they say things happen for a reason well…. It definitely happened then. Thanks to the detour we ended up at this cool foot bridge. Yea, you fu***ng heard me right, FOOT bridge. 🦶 No bikes allowed. 🚫 Did Kelley say it’s ok bud, we don’t need to go? Nope! Bitch left me to walk across! 👣 I really despise her sometimes, specifically today. Cuz as she was taking selfies and enjoying the view a fu***ng dog came up and pi**ed on my gears! 😡 Sure they apologized to Kelley when she got back but don’t worry about the bike you pi**ed on. Don’t apologize to me! Whatever, I’m not bitter. I’m just going to let it roll off my back wheel and leave it on the trail. I’m going to be happy that we got this ride today. Soon, Kelley once again was ready to head down the trail and before we know it BW was in the distance! Kelley placed me back in the trunk and I can once again enjoy the darkness and relax! ☺️
Huh, It’s taking a while for the car to get going?!? BITCH!!! She left me in here to explore on her own!!! God I hate her!!!! 🤦🏼♂️ I’m sure she’ll have pictures too. 😠 Till next time my fabulous followers.
