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Heidi Rae & Co - Live In Your Worth, Layton, UT (2026)

01/29/2025

Babes!!

This post is something that I desperately needed when I was just a girl. I didn't learn this invaluable reality until I was in my early 40's.
I was taught from a VERY young age that emotions were either good or they were bad. In fact, I was taught that emotions either come from God or from Satan. For instance, "God does not give us anger or fear or frustration. Those come from the adversary." We should never have those emotions, I was taught. In my little-girl mind, I needed to avoid those emotions at ALL cost. Thus, my symbolic closet was formed and I began shoving all of my "bad" emotions into them immediately. Because I had these emotions, I went a step further - I (ME) I was bad. 😟

This cannot be further from the truth, Friends. Emotions are NOT good or bad; true or false; facts or myths... they are just emotions. All emotions have a purpose. "Negative" emotions can HELP us by acting as warning signals, alerting us to threats or issues that need attention, motivate us to take action and provide us with valuable information about our environment or relationships. They allow us to address problems and protect ourselves. Examples:
* Fear can signal danger
* Anger can indicate boundary violation
* Sadness can signal a need for social support
* Anxiety can trigger a fight or flight, helping us avoid immediate danger
* Frustration or disappointment can highlight areas where we need to make changes

Recognizing "negative" emotions helps us understand our own needs and our own boundaries (or our need for them)!!

Now, let's not get out of hand here!! While negative emotions are normal, healthy, and can be useful - it's important to manage them in a healthy manner and to not allow them to overwhelm us.🖤

If "negative" emotions are becoming overwhelming, seek therapy! There are lots of ways to help manage these and not allow them to dictate our lives! Friends, "positive" and "negative" emotions are both essential for us! They both have their purpose. You are NOT bad for having "negative" emotions. You are human!🤗
XOXOXO

01/27/2025

Babes!!

I have had the privilege of talking with a sweet friend who is really going through some things right now. The weight of issues on her shoulders right now is immense and I am grateful for my own trials that allow me to listen and sympathize with her.

As I listen, I offer some little things that helped me so much when I was positive that the weight of my trials would bury me. She feels emotionally "strongest" in the mornings... Mostly because she is really struggling to sleep at night. She has gotten herself into a good routine in the mornings that include going to the gym and driving to a special place to take pictures and enjoy the sun rising.☀️ This is a FANTASTIC way to start each day. She has discovered a hobby that she enjoys. By mid-afternoon, she is in a dark place. She just wants to go to sleep so that her mind won't wander and she won't feel the immense sadness, grief, fear, confusion, anger, loneliness that is there and is heavy.

With that knowledge, I offer the following advice:
1. Continue to move your body daily! Drink enough water, Eat the food that makes your body and mind feel good.
2. Do your quiet, mindless hobbies in the mornings when you feel stronger.
3. When your mind begins to wander and you begin to feel all of the VERY VALID emotions you are feeling, don't ignore those feelings! Welcome them in. Pull up a seat for them. Acknowledge them. THEN, go outside. Go for a walk outside. Get fresh air. Move your body. Get some sunlight (or UV rays of some kind). Take a shower or a bath. Water is a switch for our parasympathetic nervous system. Letting water run over us helps flip that switch!
4. Physical touch. When we are dealing with betrayal trauma, abandonment issues, loneliness, etc. physical touch can seem allusive, even impossible. But we need it. Ideas: ask a friend or family member for a hug. Literally go to a hair salon and simply ask for a hair wash. If you have the means, get a manicure or pedicure or massage.
5. At night, when you are struggling to sleep - guided meditation is amazing. I still take a bath and listen to guided meditation every single night to calm down from the day. Just go to YouTube and search, "guided meditations." There are tons of them on there. Some are short and some are longer.
6. Cry. Yell. Write. Write letters to the people who have hurt you, to the places that have hurt you, to the times that you were scared, etc. Burn them. Flush them down the toilet. Writing our feelings out helps to get them out of our brains and onto paper.
7. Therapy. Find a therapist that you have a good fit with and go to therapy!!!!

Keep going. YOU KEEP GOING.
XOXOXO

12/30/2024

Friends!!

Okay, it's time!⏰ It's time to recommit to yourself and your goals. Do you do vision boards? Do you do little wallet-size cards with your "quote of the year" on it? Do you record something that you listen to every morning? Whatever it is that you do to stay committed to yourself, it's time to do it!!⌚️

This is important because if we don't write it down, it really just goes into the ether of the Earth! Take 15 minutes and dedicate that time to your 2025 purpose.👩‍🏫 I don't do New Year's resolutions. I don't even really know what that means. I write out my "purpose" for the year. This year, I chose three "pillars" to go along with my purpose. (See the previous post) Combined, I make a short mission statement for myself!🫶

I spell it out in a short, to-the-point, format. I print it out and put it on my cork board at work. I also print one off for my wallet. I save one on my phone. I look at it, and read it out loud to myself, DAILY!

This is mine👇
"My purpose in 2025 is to exist in my true self. I will do this by focusing on key points in 2025's three pillars: Creation - Build family relationships, home-making, and recurring income; Love - Meet people in current state, nurture and feed my relationship with Burke, love what I do and who I am; Self-Care - Daily vitals, meditation and re-grouping, and showing myself grace."

Time that I spend, resources that I export, my thoughts and actions should revolve around my purpose for the year.

XOXOXO

12/18/2024

Babes!
I played one of those silly social media games recently. I did it. I admit it. I was pulled in, line and sinker.
It was a square made up of, what I would assume were, hundreds of words. The "instructions" for this particular game tell you that the first four words you see are going to be your road map, so to speak, for 2025.
Fine! I totally played along.
Word one: PURPOSE
Word two: CREATION
Word three: LOVE
Word four: SELF-CARE

Well, okay. I'm all-in. Immediately, as I wrote down the words I saw, I began to tear up. Could there be four better words for ME than those four?! I dare say, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
I made this simple vision board with MY words on it.
These are the words that I pray on:
* What is my purpose? What would you have me create? Who needs my love and how do I love them better? I can't do any of it without self-care *

I invite you to steal these words and make them your own!😍 As I've thought about them daily, prayed about them daily, and really tried to absorb their meanings over the last few days... I've come to realize that these four words can create such a simple road map. And, I'm all-in!

XOXOXO

12/16/2024

Babes!!
I have so much I'd like to share. I've been learning and discovering and growing. I know each of you has been doing the same!🖤
Remember that one time when I told you that it is OUR job to make us happy? It is no one else's job to make us happy. It is not our job to make anyone else happy. It's an inside job.
I find that to be so empowering. I find it to be such a relief! It's actually the best news ever, really.
I recently had someone ask me some questions:
- Well, what if the person or people I'm with make me unhappy?
My answer: Part of your happiness being your job is placing boundaries, surrounding yourself with people who are like-minded. If you are around people, living with someone, in a relationship of any kind with someone who you don't feel you can be happy around - it's your job to change things.
Burke is a safe place for me to live this truth. He is a safe place, a steady place to live in my infinite worth. We both take full responsibility for our own happiness.
If you are around people, in any relation, where you don't feel that way... change your situation. Don't try to change them. It's not possible. Nor is it your job. Just change your situation. It's up to YOU!

XOXOXO

10/18/2024

Open Letter To Whoever Needs To Hear It:
When Burke and I began talking, I knew within minutes that he was a dad. In fact, it was probably the first thing we talked about - our kids. He had five. I had four. Two of his kids were grown, moved out, living adult lives. Three of his kids still lived at home and, at the time, were in 9th, 7th, and 3rd grade. Three of my kids were grown, moved out, living adult lives and Colton was just about graduated from high school. I had raised my four boys. I did it. I was done!
Burke and I talked for a long while (months) before we ever met in person. After our first date, I knew that I had a decision to make: Was I okay with NOT being done raising kids? Read on...
➡️I knew after the first date, and having talked to him for so long on a daily basis prior to meeting him, that I would really love to spend more time with him. I went home and I had a conversation with myself (this happens frequently). It went something like this: "Heidi Rae, are you okay with not being done raising kids? If you want to be done, that is OK! You've done it and it's okay to not want to do it anymore. If this is your decision, then you need to tell him TONIGHT that you won't be talking to him anymore. If you are okay with continuing to raise babes, that's okay! BUT, regardless of your decision, you have to be ALL-IN. No take-backs. No changing your mind. All-in."
☑ Obviously, I chose the latter. I didn't meet his kids for months after our first date. They knew about me and we'd talk on the phone, but didn't meet in person for a couple of months.
➡️Is bonus-parenting easy? Let me ask this: Is biological parenting easy??? No and no. Is co-parenting easy? Let me put it this way: parenting while in a marriage where both parents still like each other is not easy. Parenting with the person you are no longer with for whatever reason is even less easy. Parenting with that parent + a bonus parent (or two) is on the lowest level of easy.

There are SO many differences in the way the "little" boys are parented compared to how I parented the "big" boys. There is no right way or wrong way, for the most part. But I will say this - that conversation I had with myself that night after our first date has never left me: All-in. No take-backs. No changing your mind.

I just watched a video of a mama, talking to her ex-husband's new girlfriend. I cried with her. She said something really poignant, "My mom never thanked my stepmom. I want to do that differently...Thank you for opening your heart to my girls. Thank you for wanting to spend time with them..." She told the girlfriend a few important tokens of information about her girls, told her that when the time was ready she'd love to meet her. She thanked the girlfriend for making her girls' daddy happy.. It was beautiful.🖤

➡️I love these kids. With my whole heart. I love these kids. All nine of them. I love our kids. Every one of them is so different, with needs all their own. They each communicate very differently, some loudly and others internally. Some still climb in bed with me while others have little ones of their own climbing into bed with them. We see some daily, and others only once a month. With nine kids and six grand babies, it is impossible to be everywhere all at once. But our hearts are full, and so is our schedule!
I am the loud mom at the games - can't miss me (or my voice). I am the crying mom when one of them accomplishes something they've worked hard for or when they've had a break-up or when they haven't accomplished something they really wanted to... I am the mom who thinks cleaning boys' bathrooms is a job for a hazmat unit. I love their messages, random notes about girls or the grand babies or an inappropriate joke they heard. I live for the moments when they just want to hug me or stand within centimeters of me or go for a ride with me.

Step moms, Bonus moms, Single moms - I see you. I hear you. This is not the way we envisioned our lives when we dreamed of being mamas with our dollies when we were young girls. Being a single mom was THE most important thing I've ever done. Being a bonus mom is no less important. Being a Gigi --- the greatest gift of all!
XOXOXO

09/16/2024

Babes!!

Look at these pictures! We had family pictures taken about a week ago. I am obsessed with how they turned out... literally just awe-struck by these. In fact, I've looked at them so much that I feel like I've noticed every little detail in each one - from the shades of purple lining the white clouds to the shapes of each hill forming the islands in the distance... the fact that I am short when wrapped by my boys and that each grand baby's expression is individual and grand.

It was Burke's idea to do the "before" pictures. I was quite against it. I felt that taking such photos would be a distraction from the main goal of having ONE family picture - the equal sign of sorts. The blending of families and children and grandchildren. He felt the opposite. As I was frantic about my sandals being lost in the quicksand I had just climbed out of (spot the barefeet), the mosquitos that were coloring the sand a shade of dark coal, Ryker vomiting in between takes, and Delilah being VERY mad that any of this was put on her schedule for the day - he explained that there WAS a before and this is the after... the continuation of journeys that collided in the perfect mix of chaos and beauty. For him, I'm so thankful.

I just finished reading my latest book. It's stunning. Absolutely a must-read, in particular if you've been through trauma. And can we just drop the BS for a moment and realize that everyone has been through some kind of trauma?!

Jodi Picoult, the author of "Wish You Were Here, has articulated most magically things I have felt, thought, questioned... There are so many bent-at-the-corner pages in this book - reminders of where her words became chain links in my still-left-unfinished thoughts. One of the first sentences that literally leapt off of the page and stored itself in my soul is: "You can't move forward without losing something."

You can't move forward without losing something.

XOXOXOXO

08/27/2024

Babes!!

As I was doing some reading last night, I saw this quote👇, and it stopped me in my reading tracks! 🎉You don't have to be perfect in order to be successful.🎉 How great is that?! Read it five times, then ready it five times more.

Regardless of what new things we are doing, or old things that we are trying to do again, we tend to want to do it all-in and perfectly. At least I do. We feel that we need to focus on being perfect, but that actually prevents us from taking action or making progress.

So throw that perfection right into the garbage at the curb where it belongs!🛢 You're going to say the wrong thing! You're going to gain the weight! You're going to be late or miss it altogether!

Instead of being anxious about not meeting every perfect score: LEARN - Learning is the first step to making changes & doing better. Use the, "Next time, I will..." approach.
TAKE ACTION - Taking action will help you build new habits! Prioritize the habits you want to work on and progress with. Set short-term, achievable goals. Show yourself grace. Stay in the game!

My dad always told his ball players that Practice Make Permanent, Not Perfect. I have always loved that! Perfect is not the goal. It can be discouraging. Shoot for progress each day, and know that I'm rooting for you!

XOXOXO

08/23/2024

T1225
It's where I slept, and insisted on making my own bed... from my wheelchair and with my right hand.
It's where I colored in my rest time to get my brain to reconnect to my body.
It's where I showered, in my chair, each morning and learned to do things with just my right hand.
It's where I would watch snowflakes fall to help my left eye get muscle movement again - to work in coordination with my right eye.
It's where I laid in silence every night, wondering how this happened - wanting so badly to get home to my boys, to be able to be independent again. Crying. And crying.
It's where we kept a board with new words of the day to keep me inspired and motivated.
It's where T decorated for Christmas... right before she got kicked out but wouldn't leave.
It's where I'd hear TBI patients yelling for their family members in agony... not knowing who they were or where they were.
That raised mat.
That is where I learned how to roll over.
It is where I learned to transfer from table to wheelchair and back withOUT a plank.
That mat is where I learned to stand up & sit back down.
I cried so many tears on that mat.
SOBBED. SCREAMED.
Then I got back to work.
Just a mere feet from there is where I took my very first steps.
The entire room cheered - the loudest were those who knew they'd never walk again. It was sacred.
On the other side of the room is where I learned to bake & cook again. I learned to read the ingredients, how to turn the oven on (and back off!!), what hot pads were for, and that it was exhausting to stand long enough to make brownies from a box.
The dining room was a gathering spot. I would get wheeled there, or wheel myself with Trusty Righty, for every meal. I needed to be with others who understood. I needed to be able to comfort anyone I could. I once organized a Christmas sing-a-long with a patient because all he remembered after his TBI was how to play music on his guitar. He played and we sang and it was magical.
Michael's room was next to the dining area. Michael: the 18 year-old - who went on a blind date during his first week away at college and broke his neck on a trampoline. Michael will never walk again. Ever. Yet, he was my biggest cheerleader and I was his biggest fan.
The hallway - where I left a picture I had colored as I walked WALKED out after being discharged to Bob Marley's "One Love." The staff cheered and I smiled, overwhelmed by it all.

These pictures are proof - proof that places like this exist, proof that we are who we are because of the challenges we face, proof that sometimes it's the small things that are absolutely life-changing (like singing Christmas songs with a man who no longer knows his own name because his smile is bigger than the moon). They are proof that angels are closer than we realize and that sometimes, we get to be one.

This room. This mat. 🖤

08/09/2024

Before V left work today, she shared this with me:

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!
Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the “tomorrow”. You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today.
To realize the value of ONE YEAR,
ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH,
ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK,
ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR,
ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE,
ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND,
ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND,
ask the person who won a medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. And remember that time waits for no one.

Thanks, V!🖤

08/05/2024

Babes!!

I am onto the last chapter of the book I am currently reading, "Good Morning, Monster." It has been insightful, triggering, emotional, and fascinating! Once again, I feel that there are times when I nod my head, shake my head, cry, have to shut it and put it down for a few days... the list goes on and on.

Let's talk about what I'm learning, though:
This quote below is so important. It's broken down into steps, though. Don't ignore that fact!
1 - Be familiar with your emotions (I learned to name my emotions with Katryna - in my early 40's). Prior to learning to name them, I defined emotions and feelings as "good" or "bad." I didn't have the vocabulary needed, and I certainly didn't have the definitions behind those words.
2 - Name them for yourself.
3 - Share them. Share them with someone who loves you for you, not in spite of you. And keep sharing them.

That is intimacy.💗 It is knowing yourself, your feelings, and your emotions. Owning them. Being grateful for them. Living with them. And sharing them - with no fear or shame of sharing them.

XOXOXO

08/01/2024

Happy August, Beauties!!☀️
I'm Heidi. I'm a partner, a mama, a bonus mama, and a gigi! I'm a stroke survivor going on 6 1/2 years, a girlie pushing through menopause (like a Bosch!), a sports fanatic, a Diet Coke addict, a Harley lover, and a sunshine chaser.🤟
I get to help women FEEL & LOOK amazing and I LOVE IT! There's nothing better than reminding women of their worth & enoughness & helping them look their best (whatever that is to them!).💃

Tell me your favorite thing about YOU in the comments!👇

Heidi Rae & Co - Live In Your Worth

01/29/2025

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