04/13/2026
It was somewhere around this time in 2020 that we made our plans for Jack for after he was born. We still had no idea when he would come, and what if he would still have a heartbeat when he did. I was terrified that if he were born alive, he would be in pain and suffer. We wanted to make sure he was going to be as comfortable as possible. Plans were made that if this were the case, we would be set up in a hospital room where we would spend our time with Jack. We met with hospice and had a plan for them to take care of him and keep him safe and comfortable.
We also had to make our plans for if the opposite happened. If he passed away before he was born. My good friend, Emily, who also happens to be an organizer of Jack’s Jog, was the social worker at the hospital at that time. We knew each other through work situations but became close while she helped us with Jack.
Emily is the one who told me that we should call the funeral home and make arrangements before Jack was here because it would be easier to do ahead of time rather than waiting until after. She was always one step ahead of me and knew what I needed before I did most of the time.
So, we contacted a local funeral home and set up a time to meet with the funeral director and make arrangements. This is the only part of Jack’s story that I really don’t remember very well. I remember walking into the funeral home and sitting down with a catalog of urns, but that’s it. Maybe it’s my brain’s way of protecting me from remembering choosing my baby’s urn. Nobody should ever have to make that decision. But like too many other families, we did. Brad and I chose to have Jack cremated so we could bring him home.
It’s been six years since Jack’s story began and there still is not a day that he is on my mind every single second. This time of year especially brings out all of those raw feelings and emotions and I’m still learning how to cope with them.
There is a physical pain in my heart comes back with a vengeance randomly, and always around this time.
This post got really long, so if you made it to the end, thank you for reading ❤️