06/19/2026
You Can Lead Them to Water, But You Can’t Make Them Drink
One of the most famous sayings in the world is, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.”
Most of the time, we use that phrase when talking about people who don’t want to change, don’t want to work, or refuse to take advantage of opportunities placed right in front of them.
As a trainer, coach, business owner, and father, I’ve spent over 30 years investing in people. At 52 years old, I’ve seen a lot. I’ve seen people succeed. I’ve seen people fail. I’ve been on both sides of that fence myself.
What I know for sure is this: I want the best for my kids, the athletes I coach, and the families I serve. I want to see them flourish. I want to see them become everything God created them to be.
But here’s the hard truth.
No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much knowledge you have, no matter how many opportunities you provide, you cannot make someone want it.
You can only lead them to the water.
Today, though, I want to talk about a different perspective.
I want to talk about my daughter, Malia.
Like any parent, I sometimes find myself focusing more on the things she needs to improve than the things she’s already doing well. As a coach, that’s how my brain is wired. I naturally look for areas of growth.
But as her father, I’m learning that she needs more than accountability. She needs encouragement. She needs love. She needs to know that who she is matters more than what she accomplishes.
Over the years, I’ve seen parents become so consumed with sports performance that their children eventually burn out. They begin to hate the game they once loved. Relationships suffer. The child starts to feel like their value is tied to points scored, games won, or how they perform.
I never want that for my kids.
I don’t want them to believe I only care about them as athletes.
I want them to know I love them because they’re mine.
At the same time, I want them to work hard. I want them to be resilient. I want them to chase excellence. I want them to become the best version of themselves.
Yesterday reminded me how blessed I am.
Malia went to camp, spent time swimming, and then came to training. She had already had a full day. I told her she could only train for an hour and a half because I didn’t want her overdoing it.
She wasn’t happy about it.
In fact, she was disappointed that I wouldn’t let her finish the entire session.
After sitting for about 15 or 20 minutes, I finally let her jump back in and finish the last 40 minutes.
As I watched her work, my heart became full.
Not because she was making every shot.
Not because she was perfect.
But because she wanted to be there.
She wasn’t sitting on the sidelines saying she was tired.
She wasn’t looking for excuses.
She wasn’t asking to go home.
She wanted to work.
As a trainer, I spend a lot of time around families where parents are begging their children to practice, begging them to work on their craft, begging them to give effort.
So maybe I’m fortunate.
Maybe I’m blessed.
Because my daughter has a desire to improve.
And when a child is thirsty for growth, our job as parents isn’t to force-feed them. Our job is to keep providing the water.
To encourage them.
To guide them.
To protect them from burnout.
To celebrate the journey.
And to remind them that their worth has nothing to do with a scoreboard.
Malia, Dad is proud of you.
Not because of how many shots you make.
Not because of how many points you’ll score one day.
I’m proud of you because of your heart.
I’m proud of your work ethic.
I’m proud of your desire to grow.
Keep showing up. Keep learning. Keep working.
The results will come.
And no matter what happens, I’ll always love you far more than basketball.
Love,�Dad
