09/27/2024
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Iโve just made a major, irreversible change to my professional life. Thereโs no going back to being the principal flutist of the Boston Symphony Orchestra.
Ever.
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๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ค๐ ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ฒ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ณ๐ ๐โ๐ฏ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ค๐?
This ^^ is the question that could keep me up at night.
But it doesnโt.
Not because I have a crystal ball and can guarantee that 1, 5, or 10 years from now I wonโt look back at my decision to step down from the BSO and wonder if maybe I should have stayed. ๐ ๐ฎ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต!
Itโs because, at this point in my life, after plenty of big decisions that have taken me to unexpected places, ๐โ๐ฏ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐๐ซ๐ง๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ โ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฌ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐๐๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ข๐๐๐ฌ.
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Whether it's making a major business decision, deciding to start a family (or not to), choosing to leave a big job โฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐จ๐ ๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ค.
Especially a life lived fully and boldly.
Big decisions often require a leap into the abyss. And we simply do not have the power to guarantee the outcome. But we do have the power to shape our response when things donโt go as planned; when that big scary leap dumps us on our butt, hard; when the risk doesnโt pan out.
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โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ง ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ ๐ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐ฃ๐ช๐จ ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ?โ comes up for my clients, too.
And it might even come up for you, sometimes?
๐๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐๐๐ง ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ณ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐๐๐
๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง, ๐๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐๐๐ง ๐ญ๐๐ค๐ ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ญ ๐จ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ฅ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ ๐๐
๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐โ๐ฏ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง, ๐ญ๐จ๐จ.
When clients ask this question we slow down and we play it out. We donโt focus on predicting external outcomes. Rather, we ask questions like, โ๐๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ณ๐ช๐ด๐ฌ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฑ๐ข๐บ ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง, ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง? ๐๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ค๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ด ๐ฅ๐ช๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ, ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ถ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ?โ
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๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐, ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐ญ ๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ?
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Will you show up as a supportive partner, or will you beat yourself up with your own personal version of โ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ช๐๐ ๐๐ฃ ๐๐๐๐ค๐ฉ.โ
When clients make big decisions I help them to create agreements with themselves. They make an agreement that no matter the outcome, they will have their own back. They agree to remind themselves that they made the best possible decision they could at the time, with the information they had at hand.
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โถ๏ธ ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐/๐๐. ๐๐ ๐๐๐ง ๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐๐๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐ข๐ณ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ฅ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ.
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We can also agree to remind ourselves that we are resilient, resourceful and that we will regroup.
These agreements (and the willingness to practice them) allow us to come back to the present, to focus on whatโs right in front of us, and to let go and trust that ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐ง ๐ก๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซโ๐ฌ ๐ง๐๐ฑ๐ญ.
These agreements definitely don't protect us from falling on our butts. But they limit the โouchโ to just the fall. We donโt compound the injury with harsh self-judgment.
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Of course itโs important to look back and learn from our mistakes. But itโs pretty darn hard to get curious when weโre feeling defensive and attacked. It's a lot easier to learn when weโre not berating ourselves.
๐๐ก๐๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐. This is why Iโm not afraid of a day when I might look back and think that, given whatever has since unfolded, maybe this risk was bigger than I realized.
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This is why Iโm calm, even after having taken a big (and scary) leap.
(That, plus the fact that I absolutely love my coaching work and my days are immensely rewarding. ๐ฉต)
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๐๐ก๐ฉ๐๐ง๐๐ง๐๐ข๐ก ๐ง๐ข ๐ฅ๐๐๐๐๐๐ง: What would it look like for you to partner with yourself differently the next time you take a risk? What might be possible if you did?
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