01/24/2023
My journey and the life lesson I learned…thanks to my sweet 7 year old son. ♥️
Last year was the toughest year of my life. I found myself juggling too many commitments and failed at many. I watched my favorite person in the world whither away to dust and it was devastating for me. During this time, I made mistakes that I can’t go back and fix and those haunt me as much as not being able to save my dad. It seems everyday I discover more failures and flaws that I cannot change. I am the first to admit that I was not my best self in 2022. Grief rips you apart in so many ways that you don’t realize when you are in its deep dark trenches. I recently stumbled upon another mistake that I made but this one was enlightening:
As I was driving by my son’s elementary school this week, I saw on the marquee, “Happy Birthday Ellis! We Love You!” He was in the car with me and said, “Look mommy! It’s my sign!” I was completely shocked and confused, his birthday isn’t until next month! I jokingly asked if there was another Ellis at school by chance and he smiled real big and said “Nope! I am the only one!!” I cried out and told him that I was so sorry that I must have selected the wrong month week when I purchased it back in July.
In July, when I was drowning in my tears and sadness. At the time, I thought I was doing ok, but I have learned a valuable lesson - I was not nor was I supposed to be doing ok- I was at my worst and in denial.
When we got home, I told my sweet seven year old that I was sorry again and we can go up and take a picture of the sign and put it on our TV during the week of his actual birthday. (Meanwhile in my brain - I am crying again and thinking EPIC MOM FAIL). He looked up at me with those sweet forgiving eyes and said, “It’s okay mommy, it’s just a sign.”
I laughed, he was right - it was just a sign. A real sign from God and a valuable lesson for me in life. It’s ok to take a break from life when you are breaking, it’s okay to say no and not be the hero this time. It OKAY to not be OKAY!! There are always other opportunities to save the day, but for now, save yourself. It’s ok to say No and those that love you, will forgive you and continue to love you. God gives you struggles to make you better. If you are struggling, stop, listen, and know it’s ok to say NO and I am NOT OKAY. We will still LOVE you.
Thank you for the outpouring of support and well wishes throughout my turbulent time last year and I look forward to all the beautiful and glorious opportunities that 2023 will bring me and I know God has me on this journey for a reason.
