18/12/2025
If you’ve coached, you’ll laugh because these are painfully accurate.
➠ You plan for 14 players and coach 6, with two arriving late and one leaving early for a party you didn’t know about.
➠ The pitch lines are so faded you end up coaching “between the muddy bits.”
➠ You do a pitch inspection that mostly involves removing dog poo and pretending the glass isn’t yours.
➠ One goal has no net and the other is held together by string, pegs, and optimism.
➠ You bring cone, someone forgets the balls.
➠ You redesign the session while carrying goals out of the car.
➠ You spend longer packing away than coaching.
➠ The weather app says “dry.” The pitch says “absolutely not.”
➠ Your facility has no toilets and the floodlights switch off bang on 9pm.
➠ You wash the kit at home and return it still damp because it’s rained all week.
➠ You say “freeze” and absolutely nobody freezes.
➠ WhatsApp messages saying “running late” arrive after kick off has already happened.
➠ One player forgets boots, another forgets shin pads, and one forgets both and looks shocked.
➠ You explain the same idea three different ways and still get asked “are we doing a match?”
➠ The best learning moment of the session happens by accident.
➠ You finish packing away and realise you never stopped coaching the whole time.
➠ Parents think coaching is the hour they see, not the rest of your week.
➠ You spend five minutes explaining an activity and someone still asks, “Which goal are we shooting in?”
➠ You shout “well done” so often you forget who you’re praising.
➠ You referee, coach, manage behaviour, and tie laces all at once.
➠ You say “last one” at least three times and everyone knows it’s a lie.
➠ The best sessions look messy, loud, and slightly out of control.
➠ The biggest win is a child asking “are we doing this again next week?”
➠ You do it anyway, because somehow it’s still worth it.
Can you think of any other? Tag another coach who’s lived this.
