31/05/2026
Becoming a dad changed how I coach. I didn’t expect that, but it did.
Early on, I thought coaching was about holding the line. Set the bar, stay steady, don’t flinch when someone wants you to lower it. That’s real, but it turns out it’s only the first part.
The bigger job, the one that takes longer to see, is slowly working myself out of one.
I notice it with my kid at the playground. The instinct is to hover. Catch them, step in the second something looks risky. But every time I do, their world gets a bit smaller. The harder thing is to stand back far enough that they find out what they can actually do.
Coaching’s the same. Early on I give a lot, the why behind every session, tight structure, the calls made for them. But if I’m still making every call four years in, I haven’t coached them. I’ve trained them to wait for me. And the thing they need most at 30km, when I’m nowhere near them, is the one thing I never let them practise: deciding for themselves.
There’s decades of research that says this in fancier language. Take away someone’s sense of choice and their motivation falls off, they persist less, enjoy it less. Give it back and you get an athlete who’s more durable, races better, and genuinely wants to be there. Control gets you obedience. It doesn’t get you someone who can think on a bad day.
So I measure the job differently now. Not by how much they need me. By how little.
Funny how it works. Coaching taught me to hold the line. Parenting taught me when to drop it.
