GEES blog

09/09/2026

What if the things we think are part of our personality are actually survival strategies we learned as children?

Learning to be quiet.
Not asking for help.
Always pushing.
Feeling like we have to be “strong”.

I’m beginning to understand myself a little differently — and it’s raising some pretty difficult questions about worth, illness, healing and who I am when I can’t do everything I once could.

This one is personal. ❤️

Maybe healing starts with understanding why and how we became the way we are.

My understanding of childhood trauma, and the relationship between the ability to process and cope with emotions as an adult. As a child growing up in a home with physical, mental and emotional exp…

29/08/2026

Curse the darkness or light a candle????

“When suffering loss, the human thing to do is curse the darkness; the saintly instinct is to light a candle.” I first heard this while watching a documentary about a missing soldier. Rather than a…

21/08/2026

When everything becomes too much and you stop caring?….. YOLO!!!!!

My little tribute to live, laugh, love, dance…. There was a time, not too long ago, when being unwell drained every bit of energy I had. Even the simplest things became difficult. I stopped caring …

18/08/2026

Horses, such a huge part of my life and learning…….

Still are 💜💜💜

Part 1 – Janie Janie on an adventure 💙 My heart is racing just thinking about writing this. Even now, it brings back so much pain and hurt. But I also believe it’s an important story to tell. When …

17/08/2026

Please excuse my frustration in this blog….. it’s extremely raw and may hit close to home…….

But an important reality to share and bring awareness…..

Love and Aroha to all having to deal with serious illnesses and having to find money to pay to get well….🥲

When illness takes over, it’s not just the seriousness of the illness that affects a person and their family. It changes everything. Time away from work.Loss of income.Medical appointments.Speciali…

04/08/2026

Accessing medical help is, at times….. IMPOSSIBLE….

Read the post below to follow the story, please share 🩷

Accessing medical help is, at times….. IMPOSSIBLE No matter the illness, injury, or condition, needing medical assistance often comes with many challenges. But when your condition is uncommon, poor…

29/06/2026

CHILDHOOD

One of the earliest memories I have, is of my mum and dad arguing, we were all outside in the dark and the screaming was so scary. I’m not sure how old I was but I remember looking upward and being small, scared and worried.
When my mum and dad split, we unknowingly entered into a world of blackmail, manipulation, verbal and physical abuse. We were brainwashed against the other parent, given animals to “make us stay” and then threatened, if we left, we would never see that parent or the animals again. For a child, that’s too much to think about!
We were on family benefits, poor, made to feel less than and tried to get out of the house whenever and wherever we could!
I started to work part time at 8-9 after school, cutting up cardboard boxes. To get out of the house and to gather money, to be spent on my animals.
Animals were and are a huge comfort to me, an escape, a way to feel love, to feel safe and to believe that I was loved too.
This has stuck with me throughout my life. Animals are still my safe space.
I lived with and stayed, because my sisters were there and I wanted to be with them, no matter the consequences.
I kept quiet, I learnt that if I was being screamed at, the “hiding” was soon to follow. I learned to not cry. It didn’t hurt anymore. Or so I thought.
My imagination became stronger and I started to draw, this took my mind off anything that had happened, it was my escape from the world.
I would cry alone, into my horses mane, if I cried around anyone “i would get something to cry about”.
I find it interesting that animals and art, are still helping me to escape years later.
Mental abuse was constant, It was normal to be “humiliated and ashamed”.
It’s sad to look back at the tiny girl I was and I felt I had to stay with my sisters and animals-no matter what, otherwise, where would they go? Would I ever see them again?
I became self reliant, found out quickly that I couldn’t rely on anyone (except my sisters), never asked for help, lent on my animals for relief and learnt to keep quiet.
I am guessing this is where the abandonment fear and fear of connection to others came from…. More on that later…..

To go to my blog and start at the beginning, click here https://gees.blog

28/06/2026

Life hasn’t exactly followed a straight path. I grew up in a home marked by physical and emotional abuse, navigating challenges that no child should have to face. Along the way, I also experienced multiple brain injuries that would go on to shape much of my journey.

For a long time, trauma felt like the thread running through my life story. But over the years, I’ve learned that our experiences don’t have to define us—they can teach us, strengthen us, and sometimes even help us connect with others in meaningful ways.

Now, in my forty-something years, I’ve collected plenty of lessons, made my fair share of mistakes, faced some enormous hurdles, and no doubt there are more waiting around the corner. Through it all, I’ve tried to view each obstacle as part of the journey rather than the end of the road.

This blog is my way of sharing that journey—the struggles, the victories, the unexpected detours, and the things I’ve learned along the way. If my experiences can provide comfort, understanding, or even a small piece of guidance for someone facing their own challenges, then sharing my story will have been worth it.

I haven’t been able to sort the order in which posts are shown…. So….
Please click here to follow my journey

https://wp.me/phfun9-F

Then, at the bottom of each page, click “next” to follow the story’s timeline…. Thank you for reading

One of the earliest memories I have, is of my mum and dad arguing, we were all outside in the dark and the screaming was so scary. I’m not sure how old I was but I remember looking upward and being…