26/04/2026
Forgiveness is a Decision, but Healing is a Process: Why Your Boundaries are Holy
We have a misunderstanding in the Christian community that has caused unnecessary shame: the idea that if you have truly forgiven, you should be "over It" instantly. We equate forgiveness with amnesia and boundaries with
bitterness.
But look at the Cross.
Even Jesus forgave and still bled. In the midst of excruciating pain, He cried out, "Father, forgive them" (Luke 23:34). His forgiveness was immediate, but the physical and emotional weight of the trauma was still real. The forgiveness didn’t stop the bleeding.
We are partakers of His divine nature. Because God’s love is in us, we can forgive those who hurt us, but that does not automatically close the wound.
The Difference Between the Ledger and the Lesson
In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are told that love "keeps no record of wrongs." In the original Greek, this is a bookkeeping term. It means to cancel a debt. When you forgive, you are tearing up the ledger. You are surrendering your right to make
them "pay" for your pain.
However, canceling a debt is not the same as pretending the transaction never
happened. You can release the person from the debt while still remembering the transaction so you don’t loan your heart out to a bankrupt borrower again. That sn't bitterness; it’s stewardship.
Healing Needs a Bandage
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3
If a wound vanished the second you forgave, it wouldn't need a bandage. A bandage implies time, protection, and a clean environment. Healing is a process that requires:
1. Responsibility: You are responsible for your healing, even if you weren't responsible for the wound.
2. Environment: To heal a deep gash, you must avoid certain surfaces and irritants. In the soul, this is called a Holy Boundary.
The Wisdom of the Serpent
We are often shamed for setting boundaries, yet Jesus Himself practiced them.
Scripture says Jesus loved the people, but “He did not entrust Himself to them,
for He knew what was in each person” (John 2:24).
Jesus was the most loving person to ever walk the earth, yet He was not accessible to everyone at all times. He knew when to withdraw. He knew who was unrepentant.
We are called to be harmless as doves, but wise as serpents. Being harmless means we don’t seek revenge; being wise means we don't stay in the path of a strike. You are not called to be a doormat; you are called to be a steward of the life God gave you.
Stop the Shame
Church, let’s let people heal. Do not shame a brother or sister for needing distance to get well. Do not mistake their self-preservation for lack of
spirituality.
Forgiveness sets you free, but healing makes you whole.
Are you struggling to bridge the gap between "I've forgiven them" and "I'm still hurting"? You are not alone, and you are not failing.
For a deeper dive into navigating this journey, join over 7,500 others in my YouVersion Bible Plan: "Healing is Not Amnesia." Let’s walk the path to
wholeness together.
Start the Plan Here; https://bible.us/r/I1f
Algorithm of Hope | Robo Joan
