10/02/2023
For singles.
Strictly for singles, please.
If you are in a relationship, this is not for you.
Valentine comes up on Tuesday, which to me is very good because every working lady or man will be out there not the usual dawn to dusk show of affection by these youngsters. π
As you prepare for the day, dearest single,
1. If you will be staying at home all day, buy everything you would need. All the food, water and miscellaneous you would need. That way, you wouldn't end up meeting someone who smiles at you with a quick "happy Valentine's day". In all you do, don't step out that day.
And if you would be going to work, smile at anyone that greets you and wish them what they wish you back. Then, throw your face to the front. Simple.
2. Make sure you exhaust your data subscription on Valentine's eve, that is Feb 13. That way, you wouldn't end up scrolling many "awwwn, see love, pretty, God when" pictures.
3. Now, on the D-Day, get up from bed by 9:00am. That way, the street would be quiet and not filled with small kids in red looking like small lobsters all around. π
4. If you have data because you don't want to exhaust it on Feb 13, make sure your phone is off or on flight mode throughout the day.
5. Watch a movie. I will recommend horror movies, these are the kind of movies we need right now. Never make the mistake of watching a romantic or emotional movie. Watch something that has to do with evil. Pure evil. Betrayal. Criminals and psychopaths. That way, your "love hormones" are dead. Horror movies are the best.
6. Eat during the movie like no man's business. Stuff yourself with food. At intervals, you can try and display some of the actions of the characters.
7. Get that speaker working, bro/girl. You have always wanted to be a rock star, an Ayar star, A Nicki Minaj, now is your time. Stamp around the room, swear at anyone or anything that comes your way. You can try that recipe you found too. Try out new soups.
8. Now, sit. Switch on your phone and pos