11/02/2023
This week has been really hard. Grief and guilt have kicked my butt. Tuesday, we said goodbye to this wonderful man. Over the years, he has been my step dad, my best friend, and the chief gardener. For those who know me well, know I kill flowers, and he used to try to save them. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
Grief comes with so many emotions, and for me, guilt was the one that stuck out the most. We hadn't spoken much in the months before he passed. I was busy with work, other family commitments, and starting a new business. This made me feel incredibly guilty, I wished so much I had taken the time to speak to him more. I thought to myself he died thinking I didn't care. However, this is just the story I am telling myself. It wasn't a fact.
I know that there was a reason guilt was showing up, so I tuned into the emotion. Guilt was here to help me. I thanked Grief for showing up. It was there to remind me that he was very proud of everything I did and what I had achieved. When I would tell him about my achievements, he would say, "Well done, koo," he'd pat me on the back, and it was always genuine. Feelings of love and acceptance flooded in. Focusing on those feelings has made this week that little bit easier to manage.