20/09/2026
I’m half Indian and half English. A lot of people don’t know I’m half Indian because I can pass as white.
The other day, at the airport, I had this really lovely exchange with a woman also waiting for assistance. We spoke about our health, our lives, things that had happened to us. We bonded.
After about ten minutes, she asked my name.
“It’s Sayeeda.”
She paused. “Oh wow, I’ve never heard this name before. It’s really interesting.”
And in that split second, I felt this sense of fear.
We’d been vibing, exchanging, really feeding off each other. Usually, I’d explain: “It’s an Arabic name. I’m half Indian.”
I never used to have a problem with this. But lately, I hesitate.
Will you still be as warm when you know I’m brown? I’m exactly the same person you’ve been speaking to for the last ten minutes.
Her response wasn’t unkind. I don’t know what she thought. But, I’m talking about what was happening inside me.
With all the talk about immigration and boats, and the racism I’ve been seeing and hearing, this is where it reaches me. In the pause before I explain my own name.
This is where I’m from. Where I was born. And I find myself wanting to explain, as though I need to establish my right to be here.
It makes me think about the preconceived ideas we carry from things we’ve been told. We can have a lovely experience of someone, then hear one more piece of information and see them differently.
This brings me back to the Yoga Sutras: how we know what we think we know, how we misperceive things, how we can build ideas out of words, or opinion.
How much are we seeing the person in front of us? How much are we seeing what we’ve been told about people like them?
And I can see my own mind anticipating a response, too. The hostility I’ve been witnessing comes into that moment with me. I’m bracing myself before they’ve answered.
I don’t want to feel relieved that somebody hasn’t realised I’m brown. I don’t want telling somebody I’m half Indian to feel like taking a risk.
It’s a part of me I used to share without thinking twice. And lately, I find myself hesitating.
