Defib United

Defib United Experts in banter

We are back!!I am looking for lads who are interested in playing 9V9 football on the JMO in Skem. We currently play at 2...
15/03/2026

We are back!!

I am looking for lads who are interested in playing 9V9 football on the JMO in Skem. We currently play at 21:00 every Tuesday (looking to move it to 20:00 ASAP) and subs are £5 per player, per game.

We are not an official football club and not part of any league - we are just out for a kick about and some top-class banter 🫶🏻

**I do not profit from any of the subs - the subs are reinvested back into equipment or covering pitch fees when numbers are low**

Interested? Message the page or WhatsApp message me.

Thanks,
Kenny

🕘⚽🥵
16/02/2026

🕘⚽🥵

Good afternoon everyone,This is my final farewell post for Defib United as the remainder of the kitty was used to spoil ...
13/08/2025

Good afternoon everyone,

This is my final farewell post for Defib United as the remainder of the kitty was used to spoil one of our own 👌🏼

Congratulations to Gary & Hannah on the birth of their beautiful baby daughter - Evelynn Maeve 🩷

Kenny

Good afternoon everyone,Another player of ours has very recently become a Dad - congratulations to Rees & Adele on the b...
10/07/2025

Good afternoon everyone,

Another player of ours has very recently become a Dad - congratulations to Rees & Adele on the birth of their beautiful baby daughter Raya 🩷

Tonight will be the last ever game for Defib United - it has been an amazing 3 years, we've held many collections which shows we are more than just a football team; we are a small community that looks out for each other.

I'd like to thank my best friend Pastor Phill for all of his help running Defib - without him I'd of gotten the blame week in week out for dodgy teams ❤️

It has been a pleasure running our unofficial football club and ive met some great lads along the way - I'd like to wish all players; current and previous all the very best for their future and hope tonight we can give it our all for our final game ❤️

Kenny
Defib United

17/05/2025

Good afternoon everybody,

We are looking for more players that are at least 25 years old and interested in playing 9 a side non-competitive football. We play on the Skem JMO every Thursday @ 20:00 > 21:00 - subs are £5 per game you play, dropping to £4 if we have 18 players.

Defib United is an unincorporated association so nobody profits from any of the subs - all subs received pays for the pitch rental fee, football equipment and if there is anything left in the kitty at the end of the year; a Christmas night out for all of its players.

**Defib United is an unofficial football club that is not affiliated with the FA and we run on a non-profit basis.**

Thanks for your time,

Kenny
Defib United
📲 07368621509
📧 [email protected]

27/02/2025

Good evening everybody,

I've managed to roll my ankle so I thought I'd capture some footage of our players this evening and they didn't disappoint 🙌🏼

We are actually looking for a couple of players that are at least 25 years old and interested in playing 9 a side non-competitive football on Tuesday evenings. We play on the Skem JMO every Tuesday @ 19:45 > 20:45 - subs are £4 per game you play.

Defib United is an unincorporated association so nobody profits from any of the subs - all subs received pays for the pitch rental fee, football equipment and if there is anything left in the kitty at the end of the year; a Christmas night out for all of its players.

**Defib United is an unofficial football club that is not affiliated with the FA and we run on a non-profit basis.**

Thanks for your time,

Kenny
Defib United
📲 07368621509
📧 [email protected]

Good morning everybody,I got home from work to a message at 00:43 this morning to let me know that we have another littl...
10/11/2024

Good morning everybody,

I got home from work to a message at 00:43 this morning to let me know that we have another little Defib United member to add to the family.

All the lads at Defib United would like to welcome baby Arlo James Walters to the world and congratulations to Roadrunner, Courtney, big sister Miya and big brother George ❤️

Kenny
Defib United
☎️ 07368621509📱
📧 [email protected]

Roadrunner - our top goalscorer, has tonight played his last game for four weeks as him and his little family are expect...
29/10/2024

Roadrunner - our top goalscorer, has tonight played his last game for four weeks as him and his little family are expecting the birth of baby number 3! We raised some pennies to treat baby #3, big sister Miya and big brother George - it's not much but as a small community of idiots we do look after each other ❤️

Courtney, we wish you the best of luck putting up with him for the next four weeks 🫣

Kenny
Defib United
☎️ 07368621509📱
📧 [email protected]

Good evening everybody,A huge congratulations to one our newest players; Niall, and Mum on becoming parents to a healthy...
24/10/2024

Good evening everybody,

A huge congratulations to one our newest players; Niall, and Mum on becoming parents to a healthy baby boy this past few weeks - Mum is doing well but Dad is moaning about back pains already 🧐

Interested in joining an unofficial football club of idiots for a kickabout twice a week? Get in touch (25 years old minimum)

Kenny
Defib United
☎️ 07368621509📱
📧 [email protected]

Stats are taking shape nicely on game week 6Top goal scorer, top assister, least conceded goals out of the four permanen...
17/02/2024

Stats are taking shape nicely on game week 6

Top goal scorer, top assister, least conceded goals out of the four permanent goalkeepers and top voted defender of 2024 gets a years worth of free subs for 2025 - Connor’s shot accuracy seems to be some what improving 🧐

Rees Irvine joined the team and we welcomed back Liam Lindsay - the angry defensive Scotsman, with open arms!!

He's our youngest player on a Tuesday and yet he's one of the boys, if he's not trying to nutmeg or trip Luke Smalley up...
28/01/2024

He's our youngest player on a Tuesday and yet he's one of the boys, if he's not trying to nutmeg or trip Luke Smalley up he's trying to get Connor Walters to buy him a bevvie, Alfy has clicked with the footy lads so much because they don't treat him like a kid on the pitch and it has brought him out of his shell.

Alfy plays grassroots for Newburgh Harrock United JFC U14 and the parents have been asking where his confidence has come from, when one of the parents told the coach he plays with adults twice a week on top of his own team training and matches they was in shock - I will be eternally grateful to all of our players for welcoming Alfy as one of the team.

Today Alfy turns 14 and is still adamant that he is playing in the next charity match alongside us against fully grown adults!!

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