31/08/2025
Seymour Arms 3–5 Kings Arms
After opening the season with a defeat that shall never again be spoken of, matchday 2 was a battle of the Arms.
There are few venues in English football less forgiving than the windswept slopes of Staddiscombe, where corner flags bend at 45 degrees and goal kicks often end up back with the goalkeeper. Yet amid the gales, Kings Arms emerged with a first victory of the season, a 5–3 triumph which had everything from long-range artillery to questionable defending and, at one point, the opposition goalkeeper cosplaying as a tree.
Kings Arms began in imperious fashion. Goalkeeper Jake Kincaid launched what can only be described as a 150-yard cruise missile, arcing perfectly through the wind to find Ben Berry, who finished neatly into the far corner.
Moments later, Ben Berry threaded a fine ball to Cai Holder, who was gifted a goal when the Seymour keeper abandoned his post to embrace it instead. Holder, ever the opportunist, did the only reasonable thing: pass the ball into the empty net. 2–0 at the break, and the away fans (all 3 of them) dared to believe.
The second half began with fireworks. Robbie Milne unleashed a strike from distance that whistled past the despairing goalkeeper, who motioned vaguely in its direction before remembering he had no chance. At 3–0, Kings Arms looked home and dry.
Naturally, they were not. Some sloppy play saw Seymour Arms drag it back to 3–2. But just as panic threatened to set in, Jack Biscoe hammered in off the post to restore daylight. Seymour, not to be outdone, nodded in a superb header (marginally offside, depending on your eyesight), setting up a nervy finale.
It was left to Biscoe once again to calm the nerves. After his first effort was blocked, he pounced on the rebound to stroke home into an unguarded net. 5–3, three points and at last a reason to look at the league table.
Matchday notes:
▪️Ben Berry’s finish: composed unlike the next 3 attempts.
▪️Jake Kincaid’s assist: on purpose.
▪️Robbie Milne’s goal: a missile.
▪️Jack Bhandari: still running.
▪️Jack Biscoe’s brace: priceless.
▪️Cai Holder: he was… ok.
MOTM - Cai Holder
DOTD - Lofty Parker (evidence attached)
Our thanks as always goes to Kings Arms Tamerton TimberVault and MEP Systems for their continued support.