27/04/2026
📝 Match Report
The Lingdale Tavern vs Eston Villa
Today was the day the Tavern could claim the league title with one game to go - a huge opportunity in our first season as a club! Surely we don’t bottle it…
After last Tuesday’s super performance against Beckfields, the Tavern just needed 3 more points to clinch the title. A home game against a tough Eston Villa team, who in our previous two meetings we’ve nicked a last-minute winner.
The Gaffa woke up in a good mood… which was quickly shut down after seeing the group chat a videos of keeper Dom Yeates pi**ed out his head in The Deck at 4am, as well as Jack Collins and Joe Mannion smashed out their heads as well.
Lads… what the f**k are you playing at 😭
The Tavern boys arrived an hour before kick-off - tracksuits on, smiles on everyone’s faces. We knew today could be the day!
You know the score already - quick stretch and a rondo and the lads were ready to secure this title.
Jack Collins and Joe Mannion dropped to the bench for this game after last night’s actions! NEVER P**S OFF THE GAFFAS!! Pricks.
Kick off
A big crowd today, with a lot of the players’ parents here to watch. I’m not a fan of 23+ year-old lads having their parents watching them play Sunday League football… however, given the circumstances and the weather, I’ll let that s**t slide.
The Tavern started poorly, like we always do for whatever reason. You wouldn’t think we’ve played 20+ games together, this first 10-minute curse needs binning next season. Embarrassing again!
Eston Villa’s right winger had a few chances early on, but keeper Dom Yeates dealt with them well… given the fact he was pi**ed as a fart 6 hours before kick-off. Fair play.
The first real opportunity of the game saw Adam Hartnett play a lovely ball into Liam Williams (Tinny), who taps the ball into an empty net!
Tinny now needs one more goal to go level for top scorer in the league. Ginger f**ker — too good, man!
1–0 Tavern!
The next big chance saw Kian Hoggarth played through one-on-one with the keeper. Surely it’s 2–0…
Nah. This auraless f**ker skies it.
It’s alright though, because 5 minutes later Kian hits a half-volley on the edge of the box that floats past the keeper into the bottom corner!
Some goal Ki Ki 🤝
Shouts of handball maybe??? 🫣
My little Maradona
2–0 Tavern!
With 40 minutes played, the Tavern kept pushing for a third before half time. A corner in the 42nd minute saw Cameron Heathcock whip the ball into the one and only EL TORO!
The bull rises, hair flowing, and heads the ball past the keeper!
3–0 Tavern!
Lewis Wright, who scored the first goal of the season in our first ever home game, grabs another in our last home game of the season. What a player 🐂
Just before half time, Cameron Heathcock absolutely thunderc**ts one from about 30 yards out, which smashes off the bar. That must be the 5th time he’s done that this season - this man is allergic to screamers. Unlucky, Cam!
Half time
The lads gathered around knowing full well that in 45 minutes’ time… we could be champions.
Let’s not f**k this s**t up 😅
Second half
The curse of starting s**te continued, with Eston Villa going through on goal 5 minutes in, but pisshead Dom pulls off an excellent save!
10 minutes into the second half, and finally the curse is lifted, the Tavern boys start popping the ball around again.
Sam Bonas was played through on goal until he was clipped on the back of the ankle - penalty!
Chaos erupted.
Eston Villa losing their heads, shouting at the ref - lads, you’re 3–0 down… the game’s done 😅 stop crying.
One of their players even got sin-binned.
Anyway… Tinny steps up and puts it away!
Joint top scorer with one game remaining - this guy is too good 🤤
4–0 Tavern!
🔄 Subs
- Harvey Playforth on, Kian Hoggarth off
- Luke Dundon (Done Done) on, Sam Bonas off
- Will Hill on, Lewis Wright off
- Sharpy on, Adam Hartnett off
- Richo off, Jack Collins on
- Rutland off, Joe Mannion on
- Gaffa on 😵 Cameron Heathcock off!!
You know it’s a bad day when the Gaffa comes on 😝
Done Done (Luke Dundon) gets his chance 5 minutes after coming on and calmly slots it past the keeper!
My little super sub 🥺
5–0 Tavern!
Tinny chops about 4 Eston Villa players to the floor, but his shot is blocked off the line.
The Gaffa then sees his name in lights with two great chances… but the s**t c**t couldn’t finish his dinner - which is surprising for a plus-size model like him 🫃
Full time
Lingdale Tavern 5–0 Eston Villa
WE HAVE DONE IT.
Champions with a game to spare. Unreal.
Yarm - our former title rivals - were busy celebrating after being told Beckfields beat us 3–2 last minute…
Only problem is… it never happened.
We won 4–0 😭
Lads were popping bottles over a fictional result. That’s tough 🤡🤡
Unlucky lads… maybe next season.
🏆 Champions
The title is ours! Shoutout to every single player this season who has put on the Tavern shirt, from start to finish, each player has given 110% 💚
One game remains — away to Yarm next Sunday:
- Keep the invincible season alive
- Lift the trophy 🏆
- Hopefully a guard of honour as well 😅
Right lads????
🏆 Cup winners
🏆 League champions
As always! There’s only one last thing to say…..
“ALEXA, PLAY DANCING & SINGING” 🎵🕺
💚💚
