05/07/2025
Three years ago today, my life changed. I lost my best friend of 13 years and someone who pulled me through my very darkest times.
It wasn’t until I was 20 years old when I realised I was someone who suffered with mental health, but when I look back at different moments throughout my life before then, I believe it’s something I may have been susceptible to from a lot younger than that.
However, from the age of 20 I first started recognising it, and I went 4 or 5 years plunging in and out of some dark and quite frankly dangerous times with my mental health. It was always the beautiful Border Collie in these photos that managed to pull me through each and every time, even when I didn’t know I needed it.
He was the comfort blanket I didn’t know I needed throughout his whole life, and through some of the most important formative years of my life. Then 3 years ago today, we had to say our natural goodbyes, and the impenetrable mindset he helped me build seemed like it crumbled in a flash.
I was lost. The one who dragged me through so much was now gone and I was petrified of my next mental health relapse as he wouldn’t be there to get me through. This feeling stays in the back of mind to this very day, and I doubt it will ever disappear.
The difference is though, that now it doesn’t debilitate me. Since losing my best friend I’ve built a relationship that gets stronger every day, bought a house I’m proud of, and managed to forge a career in fitness I love and thrive in every day. I still go through mentally tough times but I now recognise that I don’t suffer with mental health; I live with mental health.
I still think of Sami and his more recently lost brother Archie daily - but instead of carrying the burden of losing them, I carry the lessons they taught me to get through those darkest times that still crop up.
They taught me that you don’t need anything to pull you through your worst times. You just need to appreciate what you have; realise what you want; be open to the support around you; and learn from every experience you go through.
Growth is always there, you just have to be patient enough to find it.
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