25/12/2025
This isn't my first Christmas alone (I'm fairly sure I'm into double figures), and it probably won't be my last.
Every year I get invited by amazing people to join them, but partaking in traditions that aren't mine sat around a table I don't feel I belong doesn't feel right. I have my own traditions now - a triathlon (usually in reverse order) followed by home made pizza and cuddles with Kat. Me and Christmas just aren't meant to be, but here we are anyway.
Normally I use December to look back at what I've achieved that year. But I don't feel like doing that. Not because I didn't achieve much; I did, including things I never dreamed of before. I have exciting plans for 2026 too. But getting here has taken over a decade of everything I am, starting from the ground up, and it feels right to take a moment to sit with that instead. With plenty of scars (physical and otherwise) to prove it, I have rebuilt my world so many times I've lost count. This time I chose it as a priority for my health and wellness instead of reacting to another curve ball. I learned to save myself.
I've always been drawn to the Highlands. My first big solo holiday was a tour of Scotland at 18 and I've been trying to find my way back since. I knew I loved it then as I love it now. A DNA test confirmed me to be 96% of sea-faring, mountain loving menace (read: basically a viking). And shortly after moving to Inverness, I discovered that in the middle of the city, there is a grave of a 'Jackson' who fought at Culloden. As the Scots say, 'whit's fur ye'll no go by ye', and I get the feeling I was meant to be here all along.
So this year after a healthy dose of fresh air I am inviting those Grinch feelings to the table and sharing my Christmas pizza. Because although on some days it might feel a bit lonely right now, it doesn't feel sad anymore. It feels hopeful, peaceful, and finally it feels safe to sit with thoughts I used to struggle with. It doesn't matter if anybody else cares anymore, because I care, and that's enough. The Highlanders in particular are known for being a hardy bunch, and if it's one thing I know, I know how to do hard things.
After all, I am a local now. π΄σ §σ ’