25/02/2023
"I wake up and look at my watch. It's 3:42 a.m., way too early to be up. I set my alarm for 5 a.m. My son, Zack, is sleeping next to me. He used to wake up around this time , but today he's sleeping. I can't go back to sleep though. I know why. In a few hours I'm leaving for Bratislava. I'm excited. I used to be more nervous than excited, but that was when I was a fighter This time I'm the COACH.”
I love being a coach. It is an opportunity for me to discover a new aspect of the sport that I have loved for almost 30 years. I've seen others do it before me, some with great success and others not so much. But I want to do my best. As a fighter I achieved many goals, but as a trainer I have even more that I want to accomplish.
As I sit in my hotel room, I reflect on the big day I had with my fighter. He did great! It was a team effort. During my time as a fighter, I knew that even though kickboxing is an individual sport, I couldn't get far without my teammates, my trainer and the support of my family. And I know I won't get far as a coach without my team and my family.
I lie in my bed, and Zack isn't beside me. I miss him. Maybe he misses me too. I couldn't fulfill my dream of being a coach without my family. I could have said no to this role, but then I would have missed out on a significant part of myself.
As I embark on this new journey as a coach, I find myself in a constant state of flux, trying to find the right balance between feeling fulfilled and being present for my loved ones. It's a dance that requires delicate steps and mindful movements. There are moments where I feel guilty for pursuing my dreams, as though I'm neglecting the people and things that matter most to me. But then, I remind myself that being true to myself is also a way of being present for my loved ones.
The truth is, I know I am a better person when I am pursuing my passions. It allows me to be the best version of myself, and in turn, be the best coach I can be for my fighters. It's a fulfilling experience that has taught me so much about myself and the sport I love.
However, this doesn't mean that I won't feel a twinge of guilt from time to time, especially when I feel like I'm missing out on moments with my family. But, I also know that my family supports me in my endeavours, and they understand the passion and drive that fuels me. It's a delicate balance, but one that I am determined to master as I continue to pursue my dreams.
With all my love to B & Z ❤️🙏
