10/29/2018
Not even a week has passed and things move on. 5 nights ago I stood out in the dark and rain around 1 am and took my few gigantor signs down.
It was a eerily calm and soothing hour or so- I took my time. Ground was wet so it was easy to pull out the stakes and walk them back to my car - which up until this moment is still a jumble the past few months.
A sprinkling of hangers, notes and the like jostling in the back seat with bits and pieces for work, towels for the pup to sit on and even dirt from the last few runs to New Roots for their refillable bags of triple mix.
I let my garden go - some of it is still growing - even through the snow.
So much stuff left alone, pushed aside, driven through and rushed and already being forgotten. Piled up high into corners waiting for me to get back to work on it, fix it, sort through it, purge.
I took a break from social - for a few days stepped away - silence as a tonic. And only this weekend have I started to like and be angry and sad at all the things that go on here far and wide. From the bastard in Pittsburgh to the plight of the Mom on the 404 a few nights ago, to a man loved by many locally who is fighting to stay alive anger and sadness.
I did go to the last farmers market of the year and as before helped pack one of the booths up, bought bread from another and got my noodles from a third. The mushroom lady was not there - had wanted to clear her out and bring in porcini's and more to work for people that can actual cook with them. Next year.
Spent not quite 2 hours helping set up the trench at the old Town Hall. Won't be able to help finish it tomorrow but will be there to take it down on the 18th. I worry if it will be the last time - hopefully it finds a home in a local museum. If not I may actually take a piece of it before it is scrapped.
Don't want to sound to campaigny but if I was ward 5 councillor not only would I have helped set it up but I would also weigh in on seeing what can be done to save it.
I also had to take time away to let things settle. The night I lost I was torn in many directions all at once. The support I had from people was/is the fire I needed to combat the cold dismay of losing, the self-doubt and questioning.
I know their were things I could have done better, the difference between reacting and responding - either being better than not saying anything at all.
But from where I started, that place I was at with my family, to where I ended, running around during the days and posting and responding until past 2 in the morning literally every night for weeks.
I did all I could. What vacation time I had I used for this after not having a vacation since 2015. As much as my ego can keep me going and slogging on by the end of this campaign even my ego was on board with all the other parts - you need some rest.
Rest I will a bit over the next while but
I'm not going anywhere :)