01/07/2026
Self-sabotage of joy
It’s what I have taken to calling that phenomenon many of us seem to experience. It often goes like this; I have a day off, and I have something in mind that I really want to do. I even woke up feeling excited about the task in mind. You might even say that something in me craves this kind of activity. I anticipate it will be soul-filling and bring joy. As a follower of Christ I might describe this as a task I sense God’s favor and light upon. That all sounds amazing, best day ever right?
But then something happens.
A thought intrudes. It often comes to me masquerading as wisdom, or responsibility… “Surely there are other things you should be doing right now.” Oof. That’s the sound of the wind taken out of my sail, of my bubble bursting, and clouds covering the sun. If this thought persists, it can derail my opportunity for soul-filling joy. Or, if I persist in the graced task I want to do, this kind of thought can rob me of all joy, and produce feelings of guilt and shame in their place.
As an artist this happens to me all the time. Especially as creative tasks are part of my work. As entrepreneurs we all have to weigh the use of our time, and paying versus non-paying tasks. I have learned for myself that these joy- filled tasks are ultimately what make me successful. They are fuel for the rest of my work. I think it’s much the same if you work 9-5 and have your weekends off. Does your day off fuel you? If not, is it because you sometimes sabotage yourself?
This can be really tricky to sort through for a number of reasons. One is procrastination. Procrastination is a real thing, and for some of us a real problem. But I don’t think this kind of self-sabotage is the same thing. As I understand it; procrastination is essentially how we deal with not wanting to do something. What I’m talking about is how we deal with something we want to do. It can feel like procrastination sometimes because the conflicting thoughts often try to re-direct us to some task we feel like we are procrastinating. I find it helps to keep these two things separate.
Reason two is simply this; “sabotage” implies there is a saboteur. In Co-active coaches training I first learned of the concept of an inner saboteur, perhaps you’ve heard of this. It’s a component of the human psyche in each of us. It is most often a voice inside that is actually our own voice. It has the purpose of protecting us from what it/we perceive might be risky or unsafe. That can be a useful voice in survival, but it often gets outside its lane. In my case, this part of my psyche has decided that joy is risky, and so it acts to avoid that risk, and the method it uses is accusation, judgement, and guilt; “You should be doing something productive right now instead of… this”. Now I want to state here for my Christ following readers that I really don’t think this is the voice of the enemy/deceiver/Satan. This is a voice we all have inside us. Now I’m certain the enemy can use, twist and manipulate this inner-saboteur feature, but it is not inherently evil, in my humble opinion. Learning to identify the inner-saboteur voice by its intent is super helpful. When I learn to discern that a thought or inner voice is steering me to avoid risk, I can pause and investigate that thought. If I discover the saboteur at work I can simply choose to disregard that advice. It’s less simple when the voice triggers deeper issues like feelings of inadequacy, or trauma from childhood. But that’s for someone else to explore. Bottom line is; I get to decide if joy is good for me. I get to decide if this is the right time for this soul-filling task. And I get to decide to ignore the saboteur voice. Once I do, I am able to fully enjoy my task.
Does any of this sound familiar?
What good thing does your saboteur voice often masquerade as, in order to trick you into accepting his advice? (Wisdom, prudence, duty, love, reputation)
The next time you sense this tension against a path of joy, and of light, will you pause and consider if the saboteur is at work?
