06/25/2024
My coach says to me āJess, not to be blunt but you find confidence in lightingā
At first I was a bit confused, I had to read the line over a few times. And the more I read it the more it sunk in, I do. I find confidence in the āideal lightingā where my muscles look a certain way, the shadows work in my favour and the highlights sit where theyāre supposed to.
Iāve been working with my coach the last few months to get my calories up, reduce my crazy food focus and essentially build myself a healthier foundation for the rest of my life. This comes with its struggles of course, as any life change does. Iāve gained weight, my body isnāt actually sure if itās hungry or itās habit, Iām rewiring my brain to understand that killing myself at the gym 6 days a week is not always beneficial, sleeping 5 hours isnāt a vibe and resting doesnāt make me lazy.
But most importantly Iām learning to not put my self worth in my physique. Iām not sure at what point I came to the conclusion that if I am not a lean bean that I am unworthy of being loved, achieving more or going places in life.
There is nothing easy about this process and quite often I find myself wanting to quit to go back to that comfort zone. But like they say you canāt grow where youāre comfortable.
Iāve been learning a lot about how to manage negative thoughts and to focus on how choices today will impact the future. That being uncomfortable now is just temporary, not a forever thing.