06/25/2024
My coach says to me “Jess, not to be blunt but you find confidence in lighting”
At first I was a bit confused, I had to read the line over a few times. And the more I read it the more it sunk in, I do. I find confidence in the “ideal lighting” where my muscles look a certain way, the shadows work in my favour and the highlights sit where they’re supposed to.
I’ve been working with my coach the last few months to get my calories up, reduce my crazy food focus and essentially build myself a healthier foundation for the rest of my life. This comes with its struggles of course, as any life change does. I’ve gained weight, my body isn’t actually sure if it’s hungry or it’s habit, I’m rewiring my brain to understand that killing myself at the gym 6 days a week is not always beneficial, sleeping 5 hours isn’t a vibe and resting doesn’t make me lazy.
But most importantly I’m learning to not put my self worth in my physique. I’m not sure at what point I came to the conclusion that if I am not a lean bean that I am unworthy of being loved, achieving more or going places in life.
There is nothing easy about this process and quite often I find myself wanting to quit to go back to that comfort zone. But like they say you can’t grow where you’re comfortable.
I’ve been learning a lot about how to manage negative thoughts and to focus on how choices today will impact the future. That being uncomfortable now is just temporary, not a forever thing.