19/06/2026
Feedback often fails because it is too vague, too personal, or too late.
There is a big difference between saying:
“You were disengaged in that meeting.”
And saying:
“In yesterday’s project meeting, I noticed you didn’t contribute to the discussion and were looking at your laptop for much of the session. The impact was that I wasn’t sure whether you agreed with the decision or had concerns we needed to hear.”
The first sounds like a judgement.
The second describes a behaviour, explains the impact, and opens the door to a conversation.
The same applies to performance feedback.
Less helpful:
“You’re not strategic enough.”
More helpful:
“In the client meeting, we moved quickly to solutions before clarifying the problem. Next time, I’d like you to ask two or three diagnostic questions before recommending an approach.”
When feedback is vague, people are left trying to decode what the leader really means.
And when feedback feels personal, people are more likely to defend themselves than learn from it.
Feedback can trigger three very human reactions:
🧐 Truth trigger: “That feedback is wrong or unfair.”
🥰 Relationship trigger: “Who are you to give me this feedback?”
🕵♀️ Identity trigger: “This means I’m not good enough.”
This is why feedback needs to be handled with care.
Not avoided.
Not softened so much that the message disappears.
But delivered in a way that protects the person’s dignity and gives them a clear path forward.
A better feedback conversation might start with:
“Can I share something I noticed in that meeting while it’s still fresh?”
Or:
“Here’s what I noticed, and I’d like to understand what was happening from your perspective.”
Research suggests feedback is more likely to be received well when it is specific, behaviour-based, psychologically safe and future-focused.
In practice, that means leaders need to:
🟡Describe what they observed.
🟡Explain the impact.
🟡Invite the person’s perspective.
🟡Agree on a clear next step.
🟡And maintain the person’s dignity and confidence.
Positive feedback should be normal, not rare.
Corrective feedback should be clear, not crushing.
Because feedback lands best when people feel respected enough to hear it, clear enough to understand it, and safe enough to act on it.
