19/07/2026
Following on from sharing about my 11 year sobriety journey. I found myself binge drinking and self medicating. Not knowing I was ADHD and autistic but struggling to live with a racing mind and in a constant state of panic. Binge drinking was something I grew up with and also self medicating big feelings and emotions was modelled to me. There is a 75% chance of becoming an alcoholic yourself when you are raised by alcoholics. Also, when you have one parent who steps up for you and provides you with a safe home environment, you have a 50% chance at a better life. When you have no parent who is nurturing or safe you have no chance at doing better yourself. This is what happened with my mother and I support her at my capacity. We were very toxic to each other and when I met my husband, I decided to remove her from my life. We were estranged for 8 years before I allowed her back into my life. I became a wife, mother and home owner, all without her, and I was due for my second baby when she chose to reach out. I agreed to meet and we held a conversation. It started out the same way it always did and I could feel things falling back into negativity until I tried something different for the first time. Instead of talking to someone who doesn't want to hear it and blaming each other for unhealed traumas. I held her hand and offered her forgiveness. I said mother to mother I can respect what you did for me and how hard things must have been for you. You moved states for dad, away from your family and friends and raised 2 babies while he worked away. We weren't easy kids and you were battling mental health. Dad didn't know how best to support you and you enabled each other. Things got worse for mum when they separated and fortunately my dad got into a better state for us and that is why we managed and survived. I thanked her for giving birth to us and raising us as best she could. I said we don't need to bring up where we went wrong and I didn't miss out on anything. I told her I had everything I ever wanted and that I didn't need anything. I told her I wouldn't tolerate drinking in mine or my family's lives but what she did in the privacy of her own home was her business. We have maintained a friendship and I am very hard on her. She knows where she stands with me and I am strong. It is a nice experience to see what she is capable of as a grandmother and our kids love her dearly. Perhaps this is her second chance at parenting and although not with me, for my children. Having her a part of my life has helped me heal as I had no choice but to face my demons and deal with my issues. Through a lot of therapy I can sustain a medioca relationship and that's ok. I pride myself on forgiveness and will share this tale with our kids when the time is right. It will be a mature conversation as they have a right to know how alcohol can affect our family and therefore their lives.
