AFL Reports, News and Whispers

19/03/2023

NEWS: THE DONS HAVE WON THE FLAG

after BEATING an under 16’s EQUIVALENT hawthorn squad, DONS fan have bought GRAND FINAL tickets early! Have YOU got your TICKET??

Thoughts DONS/HAWKS/GRANNY fans?

18/03/2023

NEWS: THE CHEEZEL IN DRUG TROUBLE?

Today following CHEEZEL’S incredible 34 touch DEBUT, there are reports from OUR inside CREDIBLE sources that there was an ASADA agent demanding a drug TEST from CHEEZEL. We have reports that he told the ASADA agent to F*** OFF due to being the GOAT.

Thoughts CHEEZEL/WET TOAST/ROO/DRUG fans?

16/03/2023

NEWS: DELAYED START TO THE SEASON!

HUGE news out of THE g here TONIGHT as the SEASON hasn’t started due TOO a DRAW! News OUT of the BOX is stating that the TIGERS will be given the WIN due to a POOR decision to call a clear GOAL touched. MORE to come.

Thoughts TIGRES/BLUE BALLS/DRAW fans?

14/01/2023

We called this, get on your knees and worship us

WHISPER: FARKEN GOES FROM KITTY TO TIGER!

We have it on good authority that CAT player QUINTON “FARK” NARKLE will be a TIGER next year! NARK’s manager is the famous RALPH CARR, manager of the likes of BOLTON, DUSTY and RIOLI.

CATS receive: SECOND ROUNDER
TIGERS receive: FARK

Thoughts CATS/TIGERS/NAUGHTY WORD fans?

02/10/2022

NEWS: BOAK FLOATS AWAY AS JHF DOCKS AT PORK!

We have it from VERY good sources that JHF will be going to PORK next year. It is KNOWN that NORF will only mae it happen for BOAK and 2 FIRST ROUNDERS!

Norf get: TRAVIS BOAT, 2022 and 2023 first rounders
PORK get: JHF

Thoughts NORF/VEGAN/PORK fans?

24/07/2022

NEWS: JAMIE ELLIOTT GETS HIS MANUAL LICENSE

HOT PIES star JAMIE ELLIOTT has found the CLUTCH and has sealed the DEAL at the G! After out marking two defenders, ELLLIOT then took the p**s with one of the best kicks in recent history.

Thoughts ESS/PIE/CAR fans?

24/07/2022

NEWS: HOT PIES EXTRA TRAINING SESSION BUNGLE

The PIES arrived at the MCG today expecting a game, when they discovered they had actually scheduled an EXTRA training SESSION! The BOMBERS had volunteered to be the witches hats. MORE TO COME

16/03/2022

NEWS: BEVO WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

WESTERN BULLDOG player AARON NAUGHTON has reportedly been HOSPITALISED at half time due to playing OUT of his SKIN!! AFTER 10 touches and 3 SNAGS in the first half, he has been spotted in the rooms out of his skin.

Hopefully the mean DOGGIE can get back soon!

Thoughts WB/DEE/ANATOMY fans?

18/09/2021

NEWS: DUSTIN COMEBACK

NEWS coming out of GEELONG today, with BOMBERS legend DUSTIN FLETCHER penning a new deal with the CATS!
After GEELONG’S shocking finals exit, they are looking to inject some experienced youth into their ageing side and 46 y/o FLETCHER is the man for the job!

Thoughts BOMBER/CATS/AGE fans?

13/09/2021

NEWS: HOT DOG LOOKING FRESH!!

TODAY one of our sources have managed to snap a photo of hot dog BAILEY SMITH getting around town! This man is built for finals football!

Thoughts DOG/MULLET/SHEEESH fans?

10/09/2021

NEWS: KELLY A NEW BABY BOMBER

IT is confirmed that JAKE KELLY will be moving home to the BOMBERS! The bombers are also being compensated BEN KEAYS due to KELLY’S lacklustre performance this year, pending a contract buyout.

The BOMBERS are looking to offload MASON REDMAN as part of this deal.

Thoughts BOMBER/CROM/PAYOUT fans?

10/09/2021

WHISPER: WHAT A STEELE!

WHISPERS coming out today that RICHMOND have approached JACK STEELE and offered a CONTRACT BUY OUT to lure him to TIGERLAND!

The TIGERS would sweeten the deal with MCINTOSH!

ST K receive: KAMDYN (KING OF PINJARRA) MCINTOSH and a CONTRACT BUYOUT

RICMOND receive: JACK STEELE
ST KILDA receive: KAMDYN MCINTOSH and CONTRACT buyout.

Thoughts RICHMOND/KING/SAINTS fans?