Metabolic Perse

01/09/2026

Gym
Walk
Eat
Sleep
Repeat

01/09/2026

🥶 MeTaBoLiC P***E — THE COLD HARD TRUTH 🥶

14 DAYS… and I STILL HAVEN’T SWEATED! 😂

Starting to get used to this cold s**t now. Had the ice bath today and, I tell ya what… slept like a bloody baby afterwards. 💤❄️

Apparently ice baths are meant to make you feel younger…

Well, when I climbed out, looked down and saw what the cold had done to the equipment, I wasn't sure whether I'd gone back to the 1800s or bloody PRE-BIRTH. 🤏😂

Thought I was about to have to check for a birth certificate. 💀

Cold exposure: ✅
Recovery: ✅
Sleep: ✅
Feeling younger: ABSOLUTELY…
Everything else: currently in witness protection. 😂😂

MeTaBoLiC P***E — where we don't just chase results…

WE FREEZE OUR FU***NG NUTS OFF FOR THEM. 🥶😂

***E

30/08/2026

🔥 MeTaBoLiC P***E 🔥

Find someone who encourages you. Motivates you. Pushes you.

But most importantly… find someone who will come and drag your arse out of hiding when you’re trying to disappear. 😂

For me, that’s my wife. ❤️ Lovely Tina Pershouse

She doesn’t just say “you can do it.”
She gets up. She turns up. She trains. She walks. She pushes me when I’m being a sook. And when I reckon I’ve got a perfectly legitimate excuse…

She knows it’s bulls**t. 😂

That’s what having the right person beside you does.

You don’t need someone who lets you quit every time it gets hard.

You need someone who says:

“GET UP u thin c**t. WE’RE GOING.” 💪🔥

Surround yourself with people who make you want to be better — not people who make excuses easier.

Because motivation comes and goes…

ACCOUNTABILITY SHOWS UP. 👊

Me & my hisband wife cause we all know who wears the skirt— keep each other moving, one workout, one walk and one questionable life decision at a time. 😂❤️

***E

28/08/2026

🚨 BREAKING FITNESS INDUSTRY UPDATE 🚨

After months of peer-reviewed research, industry consultation, extensive field testing and several highly questionable conversations in the gym…

A NEW TERMINOLOGY has officially emerged for an extremely shredded physique.

Forget “ripped.”

Forget “shredded.”

Forget “lean.”

Forget “stage ready.”

The industry is now apparently recognising:

D.I.K.

Defined. Insanely. K*t.

(yes… D.I.K.) 😂

The terminology refers specifically to a physique where the individual has:

✅ Extremely low visible body fat
✅ Pronounced muscular definition
✅ Veins appearing where veins have absolutely no business appearing
✅ Abs visible from angles previously thought impossible
✅ Separation between muscles that nobody asked for
✅ A face that looks like it has been carved out of a protein tub
✅ And the unmistakable appearance of someone who has been counting calories since the invention of sliced bread.

According to the latest yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, researchers have identified D.I.K. as the next evolutionary stage beyond merely being “shredded.”

The scale apparently goes:

Fit → Lean → Ripped → Shredded → FU***NG SHREDDED → D.I.K.

Early industry reports suggest that once an athlete reaches D.I.K. status, they may become completely incapable of wearing a normal T-shirt without stopping traffic.

Further research is currently underway.

Sources include:

📚 Yeah.
📚 Yeah yeah.
📚 Yeah yeah yeah.
📚 Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
📚 And one bloke at the gym who looked like he knew what he was talking about.

METABOLIC P***E SCIENTIFIC JOURNAL — VOLUME 1

And before anyone starts updating their Instagram bio…

THIS IS COMPLETELY FU***NG MADE UP. 😂😂😂

There is no new scientific terminology.

There is no recognised D.I.K. classification.

There is no peer-reviewed study.

There is, however, a bloke at Metabolic P***e having an absolute fu***ng lend.

GOTCHA. 🤣

Stay shredded.
Stay suspicious.
And for f**k's sake, don't put “D.I.K. certified” on your résumé until I do first....

— MeTaBoLiC P***E 💪🔥

27/08/2026

26/08/2026

🔥 METABOLIC P***E — REST DAY™ 🔥

Had a little twinge in the neck/back/shoulder region… somewhere between “I’m fine” and “Google says I’ve got 3 days to live.” 😂

So naturally…

2 HOURS ON THE INCLINE TREADMILL.
Then a little bit of abs.
Ticked the boxes. ✅

And apparently… THAT’S A REST DAY FOR ME. 🤣

But seriously — how good is having your own little gym?

📐 12m x 12m = 144m²
Yes… I did the maths.
Not 148m². My brain was clearly resting harder than my body. 😂

No shoes.
No shirt.
No crowds.
No waiting for equipment.
No one giving me dirty looks while I stare at myself in the mirror for 17 minutes. 🤣

Just me, the treadmill, the abs, the mirror and questionable life choices.

ROUTINE, BABY. ROUTINE. 🔥

And here’s the bloody secret:

👉 Find yourself a GOOD Netflix series.
Chuck it on while you’re walking.

If the series is good enough, you’ll be standing there thinking:

“F**k, I should probably get off.”

NEXT EPISODE. 😂

Before you know it, you’ve smashed 60… 90… 120 minutes.

Consistency doesn’t have to be sexy.

Sometimes it’s just showing up, putting one foot in front of the other and ticking the fu***ng boxes.

METABOLIC P***E — ROUTINE BABY. 🥵🔥

***e